Longing to be found
by TwilightKitsune1
Summary: There is a full summary inside. DARK!HP/DM pairing, noncon, strong language, PWP at points but will lead you back to the plot, selfharm,of course there is OOCness and it is and AU. This story takes place after OTP, does not include HBP, or DH. R&R!
1. Chapter 1

_**Summary: **_Harry's sixth year at Hogwarts is filled with taunting dreams and dark secrets. Sirius' death fresh in his mind and bleeding in his heart, he finds his body taking the abuse for his pain as he blames himself. Harry Potter has fallen on hard times and this time he is not able to stand back up on his own, doesn't have the strength to stand back on his own. How will he ever be able to get back up, how will he ever find his strength again to continue to battle against Voldemort whose power is growing at a rapid rate? Plus what's with the new transfer student in Slytherin house following Harry around for? A beautiful new Defense Against the Dark Arts teacher has come to Hogwarts, but the question is will they make it through the year or do they have a secret agenda like all the others? Find out in the story _**Longing to be Found**_.

_**Disclaimer: **_I do not own Harry Potter and am making no profit off this story… Besides, I doubt if I did own Harry Potter I could make seven books or even if I did they wouldn't even be a third as good as they are. Plus there would be pairing changes, character personalities wouldn't be the same, and some would be so scared it wouldn't even be funny; defiantly would not have been a children's book. I _do_ however own the two OC's in this story and would greatly appreciate it if you did not copy them.

_**Warnings: **_DARK! Contains mature content and adult themes not suitable for young children, slash **(male/male relationships ****beyond**** friendship)**, non-con **(rape)**, strong language, PWP at times, self mutilation, self gratification **(masturbation)**, OOCness, AU…  
_**YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED!...**_

_Rated:__M/NC-17  
__Drama/Angst_

_**Longing to be Found…  
**__**By: TwilightKitsune1**_

**Chapter One (1)  
****- Losing Self -**

The days seemed to rush passed this summer at number four, Privet Drive. The daily routines of life there was a constant reminder of how alone one truly was. After the summer school would begin, but not many looked forward to it… there was one person who wasn't looking forward too much of anything anymore.

The sun was setting; its rays the color of fresh blood, its light beginning to fade away behind the tree lines. The sky that had earlier been filled with light was too becoming darkened by the on coming of night. Stars already coming out to dance in the sky with the moon that had yet to appear, and there was beautiful flickering of the lightning bugs; there were dull lights in the distance, the streetlights, springing to life to give some light for the oncoming night. It was the normal silence on Magnolia one would expect, a silent melody of crickets, or the occasional croak from a frog, maybe a gently meow in the distance from a stray cat, or yelp from a stray dog. A soft, not over powering, smell of freshly cut grass drifted around, hardly noticeable to the nose.

Harry Potter, the most famous wizard of the age, sat in a secluded part of the park on an old and rusting swing set that had yet to be torn down and replaced. He sat; his head leaned on to the rough, rusting metal chain that was slightly flaking off onto his face and shirt. One hand lightly grasping the chain his head was resting on, and his other hung limp by his side. There was not much in the surrounding area; nor was it spacious. It was just a forgotten part of the new park, off out of the way where one could sit and be alone, but not enough privacy to do much more due to the surrounding houses and such. There were trees, and the grass seemed like it was cut but not often enough to make it clear. There were old toys, destroyed by outside forces and age, that littered the ground, shoes with the laces tied together hung from the old tree. Harry had always loved it here when he found it at the age of six. He could get away from the Dursley's and Dudley, so he could be alone and not stuck in a small closet that made him feel like a prisoner… He hated that feeling, he knew he _was _a prisoner, and thought he'd never be free of them. If he was a prisoner they had control, he could do nothing but suffer, take his punishment quietly and with no complaints, or suffer more.

His eyes had glazed, and became unfocused as he looked into the distance. He could feel eye's prying into his back; he could feel them as if he saw them. He knew someone was watching him but at the moment all worry, caution, and fear was completely out of his mind. He ignored his senses screaming at him that there was someone watching him. That his guard needed to be back up.

He didn't see the coming night, dancing stars, or the flickering lights of the beautiful lightning bugs or the dull streetlights springing to life, no he saw flashes of the curses and the hexes that were used in the Ministry as they flew all around him. He heard no gentle melody the crickets played or the occasional frogs croak, not even the faint meow or yelp of stray's, no he listened to the screams of those who fought around him, there spells that they uttered quickly, and there were those who were suffering around him. He just watched, with Neville Longbottom by his side, as Dumbledore arrived to help them and push Voldemort's forces back… As it got darker, the darker Harry's memories became, and turning toward Sirius they soon did.

Harry remembered his joy at finally getting out of that place that had been _his_ prison growing up, and then again when he should have been free. He could see how Sirius came to life; feeling as though he was finally being allowed a good fight after all his suffering. He seemed so young, years falling off his face as the fighting went on… Then there was shock, there was fear, he was falling… Falling away from Harry, far away from Harry, to a place Harry wouldn't be able to follow. A veil appeared center stage in Harry's mind, flapping in a non-existent wind, engulfing Sirius behind it. Swallowing him whole and not spiting him out…Harry stared at the veil for a long while, it was Lupin that pulled him from his trance, explained the truth to Harry; Sirius was dead… he was dead and it was Bellatrix fault! He was furious, anger filling his being, blind rage, and he craved revenge… He craved the satisfaction of killing her with his own hands, with his own power. No one else could do it; no one else was allowed to do it… His anger stopped and turned to self-hatred, it wasn't her fault, or anyone else's; it was his…Sirius was dead because of Harry. Yet for the time being he was chasing that wench. He could blame her, hate her, kill her. Just for this instant Harry was willing to kill an innocent just to make himself feel at peace… and for some odd reason he didn't care to murder those who were innocent yet evil.

He was brought out of his thoughts when the once vacant swing beside him became occupied. It groaned and creaked under the new weight. His eyes instantly refocused, his head turning to the new comer, and his once limp hand jumping to life and rushing toward his hidden wand. His movements froze for an instant as he looked at a tiered looking Mrs. Figg sitting beside him.

"Mrs. Figg…What are you doing here?" Harry asked, forcing a smile on his face, his hand inching closer to his wand just incase it was a trick just like with Moody during his fourth year. Thinking of that year brought a pain to him. _His fault._

"The real question Harry is, _what are you doing here?_ It is late you should be getting home, nearly ten already and your still out acting like a hooligan I bet." Mrs. Figg complained. "Here I am walking back from the store with some new cat food for my babies and then I look into the park and find you sitting in it not doing anything but staring into space. You are a lazy boy aren't you, need to learn responsibility."

Harry cringed; Mrs. Figg was reminding him of – "WHAT TIME IS IT?"

"Nearly ten's what I said; you also need to be learning how to listen too. Your elders boy, listen to them when they're speaking to you!" Mrs. Figg stared at his frightened face for a moment before she shock her head, "I'll take you home with me, and speak to those Dursley's tomorrow if you would like… Maybe we could speak tonight Harry, just talk about _things_; I can tell you all about my babies that just had babies themselves." She smiled for a moment. "Besides, you've been stuck in that house for most of the summer so far. You haven't even come over to help me anymore…" Mrs. Figg looked sad for a moment then her stern look came back to her face as though it had never left, so Harry chalked it up to his imagination.

Harry sighed; she was the first to even want to talk _things_ all summer long… No one else cared, and his uncle knew Sirius was gone and his punishment, his suffering, had returned to how it used to be back to before he was in school, but so much more. Maybe she could tell someone from the order, maybe they could relay the message of '_help me_' to Dumbledore.

As he was about to, he saw an image of Cedric and Sirius for an instant in his head smiling at him, and the intention of asking for help was gone and replaced by the fact that they were dead because of him. They were no longer alive because they became involved with him and he could only watch as they died. He was alone because he acted with out thinking first. He deserved everything he was getting, and more then that.

A sigh escaped his hold; it was a sigh of pain and sorrow, but Mrs. Figg didn't notice it, she just looked at Harry patently. "No…I'm fine. You guys shouldn't worry about me; you might get grey hairs if you're not careful." Harry said, slightly forcing a smirk to Mrs. Figg.

An actual chuckle escaped her lips and she looked at Harry with happy eyes, "I was worried about you Harry, you haven't smiled all summer and we were beginning to worry about you… And grey hairs are the least of our worries right now anyway."

Harry stood from the swing and looked at Mrs. Figg for a moment. She did seem to be getting older, she was much older then his young eyes remember her, the crazy cat lady who would take care of him while he was little. Though she always seemed old to him, those wrinkles were getting a little more defined, and the idea of her being able to live the rest of her old life out where there is no Voldemort and no reason to hide from the night, made him wonder.

"Thanks Mrs. Figg." Was all that he said as he made his way back to number four, Privet Drive. On his way out of the park, taking the short cut into the ally, he did not notice that his path was close to pitch black and hard to see down, but he knew the quick ways back to number four, Privet Drive by heart, learned out of fear. He also failed to notice that Mrs. Figg stayed seated on the old and rusting swing set, slightly moving forwards and backwards as she watched him go.

_**XxXxXxXxXxXxXxX – XxXxXxXxXxXxXxX – XxXxXxXxXxXxXxX – XxXxXxXxXxXxXxX**_

As Harry reached the door he began to reconsider Mrs. Figg's offer. Shaking his head to steal his determination he began to move toward the door when suddenly he saw a faint light come to life in the kitchen. Thinking it might just be his Aunt Petunia since she comes into the kitchen at night just to see if there's anything suspicious going on next door. If he went back there and if it were her she'd let him in with an angry look and just tell Uncle Vernon tomorrow before he went to work… but if it was Dudley it might be tricky. Thinking it easier then trying to come in the front way he silently walked to the back. As he reached the door he gave three soft knocks so not to draw outside attention to himself.

He glanced around him to make sure no one was around, and no one followed him here. It was completely dark out now and the only light was coming from dull streetlights, but they weren't very bright in the first place. There was no movement from other houses and all lights were off except for a TV down the road behind lacy curtains. Other then that there was nothing else visible except for shadows and black outlines of unknown origin. As the footsteps came closer to the door Harry looked forward, his heart jerked. It was neither Aunt Petunia, nor Dudley. It was the one he didn't want to catch him out this late with everyone else asleep. Fear gripped him and stole his strength away as the door slightly opened and he saw eyes look around outside until they landed on him, stopping and becoming sadistic all at once. His breath left him as he felt himself being pulled into the kitchen.

The world around him was a blur and he could not feel a thing. Suddenly reality hit, as well as the counter's corner into his back. Then he remembered, Vernon was the one in the empty kitchen, looking down at Harry with sadistic eyes outside he had grabbed him and quickly threw him into whatever he could in that instant. Harry's body was shacking from the abuse it had just received and as he shakily began to rise off the tiled floor, a foot connected with his elbow, pushing it in the wrong direction. That action was quickly followed by a snap, pop noise. Harry's elbow was now in intense pain making him drop back down to the floor and cling to it, cradling it against his chest. Tears stung his eyes, but Harry quickly pushed them away. He would not cry about this, will not cry about this. As he was bout to try and get up again the foot came back and connected with his chest, his ribs, his stomach, his legs, anywhere that could be hidden under clothes.

After half an hour or so he began to start breathing harder, Harry stayed still in the fetal position. It was soon going to end he hoped, he'd start to get tiered, won't do anything that makes him seem "unusual" or a "freak" if the others are still here. Only beat him and then leave him there all night depending on how bad it is. If Harry didn't move, didn't breath, then there wasn't any pain. He was close to unconsciousness. So close to it that it seemed like a blessing to come now. Harry could feel the sweet oblivion coming until he felt something cold and wet hit him. He felt as though he had been punched as his breath was stolen away by the cold.

Vernon wasn't going to lose his play toy so soon tonight, no the night had only just begun. He gripped Harry's hair tight, and pulled it so hard Harry could have sworn he'd have ripped it out had Harry not gone up with the quick jerk to his head. His body was protesting with every movement, every breath, and now with the cold water collecting over his wounds, with every slight breeze, every movement, pains in the smallest amount hit him in waves. His body was battered and his mind was screaming. It was coming, the pain, the humiliation, every thing he hated that Uncle Vernon pushed on him because he didn't want it was coming, it was coming and the worst part was there was nothing he could do about it.

Harry was shoved up against the wall and Vernon leaned in close to Harry's ear, whispering to him, "You know what's coming…" Harry could smell the horrid stench on his breath. So foul and disgusting and laced with a strong scent of alcohol, like nothing he'd ever smelled before, just that smell made him want to gage. As he was fighting with his stomach and how it so desperately wanted to release its contents, he felt his wand removed from his pocket and heard it fall to the ground a little bit away. Tears now began to leak from his eyes, not many, only one or two. Harry couldn't hold back his body's desire to shake and shiver from the pain, hatred, and fear. He was treated unkindly, and he felt it all as this disgusting man defiled him _again_. His hands exploring everywhere he heard him speak to him again as he harshly turned Harry to face him, "They abandon those they don't need…"

All that went through his head was _why_, he was supposed to be safe, supposed to be protected… but this was happening a lot more often then it used to.

_**XxXxXxXxXxXxXxX – XxXxXxXxXxXxXxX – XxXxXxXxXxXxXxX – XxXxXxXxXxXxXxX**_

Hours of the night must have ticked by before Harry found himself alone. He had passed out from the pain and probably due to his body's sudden assault from his uncle that rushed him into unconsciousness as soon as it was able to. As he got up, a little shaky on his legs, he found himself thankful for the fact that his body was already healing itself much like he used to. He looked around him for a moment and found his clothes to be in a pile in the corner. So on unsteady legs he walked over to his belongings, got dressed and put his wand back into his pocket, when he finished his legs were becoming strong again so he walked up the stairs, tightly holding onto the side rail just incase he couldn't walk properly up the stairs, which happens sometimes after nights like these. As he passed the room to his aunt and uncle's bedroom he heard his uncle's snoring, happily into the night, as if nothing had happened only a few moments ago. All Harry wished was that what had happened was a dream, unreal, and he was just now sneaking into the house… but he knew it wasn't like that, it had happened, and since it wasn't the first time he knew it wouldn't be the last.

As he entered his room and collapsed onto the bed he found his body not in as much pain as it had been earlier. Turning his head slightly to the side he reached over and turned on the only sources of light in his room, which was the lamp he had fixed a few years ago. When the light in his room came on he examined his injures and found that his elbow swollen, looking as though there was an orange under his skin, and became extremely difficult to move, thankfully it wasn't broken. His stomach was covered in strange colored and swollen areas, one of his ribs was pointing out at an odd angle, and there were dark and ugly looking bruises covering most of his chest. On his legs he found that they were bruising in dark colors and one of his knees was almost as swollen as his elbow, but not as bad. He'd heal in a couple days so there would be no evidence of the events that had passed just a little bit ago. All of them, that is, except for his rib that was pointing out at a strange angle. He'd have to come up with an excuse for it. He'd probably tell anyone who asked about it he'd fallen down some stairs or something… His brain was too tired to think of anything else as an excuse, so he'd think about it tomorrow. He had to smirk to himself as he reached up to turn the lamp off; he was probably going to use the oldest excuse there is when you get beat up. He was becoming so pathetic.

As he was half way to turning the light off, he saw two shadows in his room that wasn't there when he had left earlier that day. Turning to find out what it was he found it to be Hedwig and Pig perched on his windowsill, watching him as he moved. There eyes were staring right at his injures he had just covered back again. Harry could have sworn he saw Hedwig's eyes flash with Pig's. They were holding letters addressed to him in their beaks, waiting for him to take them from them.

Moving as quickly as he dared with his unsteady legs and aching body, he went to them and collected the notes in their beaks. He gave both of them a pat on the head and fetched them treats from his closet. As he passed his bed he laid the letters on it, gave them their treats and fetched them some water. When he had finished attending to the two of them and they were happily drinking at their shared drink, for once Hedwig was not giving Pig looks of disapproval, Harry went back to the two letters from his friends.

As he finished his skin had become pale and his stomach again asking to be drained of all its contents. Harry obliged to its wishes and rushed to his trash bin. After a few moments he fell backwards and laid on the floor and watched as the two owls flew around hooting, upset because he had become upset. Hedwig landed by his side and Pig landed a little further away from Harry and just watched, slightly bouncing toward his legs. Hedwig hooted softly, comfortingly, and jumped to Harry's chest. Looking down at him, Harry saw that there was worry in her eyes.

Slightly smiling he scratched under her beak for a moment and smiled up at her. "I'm alright Hedwig… I had just forgotten that today was my birthday."

**THE END OF CHAPTER ONE!**

**A/N: **There it is, a chapter to one of the first stories I ever did, much better and re-written till I can re write it no more. I wanted to go back and fix it up since the first time the story came out the chapters were a little… yeah… but I think their better then they were, stronger. I know there wasn't much story here but hey this is only the beginning and I needed what I put in here to build on you know. I truly hope you liked it, tell me what you think, and thanks for reading!


	2. Chapter 2

_**Summary: **_Harry's sixth year at Hogwarts is filled with taunting dreams and dark secrets. Sirius' death fresh in his mind and bleeding in his heart, he finds his body taking the abuse for his pain as he blames himself. Harry Potter has fallen on hard times and this time he is not able to stand back up on his own, doesn't have the strength to stand back on his own. How will he ever be able to get back up, how will he ever find his strength again to continue to battle against Voldemort whose power is growing at a rapid rate? Plus what's with the new transfer student in Slytherin house following Harry around for? A beautiful new Defense Against the Dark Arts teacher has come to Hogwarts, but the question is will they make it through the year or do they have a secret agenda like all the others? Find out in the story _**Longing to be Found**_.

_**Disclaimer: **_I do not own Harry Potter and am making no profit off this story… Besides, I doubt if I did own Harry Potter I could make seven books or even if I did they wouldn't even be a third as good as they are. Plus there would be pairing changes, character personalities wouldn't be the same, and some would be so scared it wouldn't even be funny; defiantly would not have been a children's book. I _do_ however own the two OC's in this story and would greatly appreciate it if you did not copy them.

_**Warnings: **_DARK! Contains mature content and adult themes not suitable for young children, slash **(male/male relationships ****beyond**** friendship)**, non-con **(rape)**, strong language, PWP at times, self mutilation, self gratification **(masturbation)**, OOCness, AU…  
_**YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED!...**_

_Rated:__M/NC-17  
__Drama/Angst_

_**Longing to be Found…  
**__**By: TwilightKitsune1**_

**Chapter Two (2)  
****- Lost Thoughts - **

Harry lay in the bed as the sun began to rise; its ray's casting only a small amount of light into the room from the slightly open window. His mind was clear; no rambling or congested thoughts running ramped in his mind like they do in his waking hours. He only laid there listening to the chirping of the birds, and the clucking of the hens and roosters as they walked around outside looking for food. Down stairs the smell of food drifted up to him so he could smell the breakfast that Mrs. Weasley was making for the family and him, granted he wasn't hungry he was probably going to be forced to eat something, three courses of something. As he was lost in his thoughts of how sick he was going to be when he ate breakfast he heard Ron begin rolling around in his bed, then followed by a slight grunt. Harry looked over at him for a second then looked back at the roof, trying to keep his mind clear. He realized after a few moments that the harder he tried the more thoughts came to him.

Deciding against staying in the bed and suffering in his thoughts he rolled out of it. As he stood up he looked down at the rib he could see still sticking out at an odd angle. Running his fingertips over it for a second he grimaced when he felt it. Ron had asked about it when he had seen it and Harry played dumb, as if he hadn't noticed it when it happened which caused Ron to just gawk at him as if he had just clammed to be invincible against all harm. The only other injures that still bothered him was his elbow, getting stiff at random points or hurting so bad that he is unable to move it. However, as he stayed with the Weasley's the more and more he had to act as if it didn't bother him and it continually got worse.

Rubbing it slightly he could feel tingles of pain shooting up and down it. Deciding to move it a bit he began extending it then pulling it back to him. As he moved it around he heard Ron grunt again meaning he was close to waking. Quickly collecting the shirt he had thrown down the night before, before he had gone to bed, and put it on and rolled his sleeves down halfway so they covered his arm, but mainly his elbow that was beginning to swell again. He gave one more look at Ron as he puckered in his sleep, then walked out of the room, he'd let him sleep a little longer before they all went to Diagon Ally to get the years equipment for school.

_**XxXxXxXxXxXxXxX – XxXxXxXx – In Diagon Alley - xXxXxXxX – XxXxXxXxXxXxXxX**_

Harry, Ron, and Hermione, who had meet up with them in the Leaky Cauldron, walked the familiar cobbled streets of Diagon Ally together as everyone else fetched there own things. The street was not as packed as it would be in the later part of the day, so it was easy for the three to maneuver between or around the people there. The air was filled with all kinds of different smells, so much that no one smell was discernable from the mass amount of them. Most of the stores seemed near empty, as the employees of the businesses did the final checks and cleaning. Some of the people just bypassed the stores and headed straight for Gringotts or to some of the cafes that were open. As they passed Floren Fortescue's Ice Cream Parlor, Floren Fortescue himself waved at them as they passed by the store and mouthed for them to come by later. The three of them nodded and continued walking down the street.

"So have you gone to Gringotts yet Harry?" Hermione asked interrupting the pleasant conversation they had been having.

"No, not yet, I need to stop by there before I go shopping for the school supplies." Harry said looking to the two of them. "You guys can go ahead of me if you want."

"Well I have wanted to check out the Quality Quidditch Supplies to see if they've gotten anything new in." Ron said looking down the street towards the Quidditch store.

"I was thinking of checking the book store since my parents have already given me money, plus a little extra for a new book of my own, but if you want we can go with you?" Hermione shot in looking to Harry waiting for his reply.

"Geez Hermione is that all you think about?" Ron tossed in looking slightly scandalized at Hermione's thirst for the books.

"I'll have you know Ron wanting a little extra knowledge just happens to be useful, especially now in this day and age." Hermione shot at Ron with a glare.

"No I'll just meet you guys later then." Harry replied and then asked, "Where are we going to meet up then?"

They thought for a moment and then Hermione replied, "How about we meet in the book shop since I'll probably be in there a while."

Ron looked affronted for a moment and then turned to Hermione, "I am going to the Quidditch shop so I'll probably be there a while too you know!"

They just glared at each other for a moment before Harry decided to break them up before they got into a full out fight right there on the street, "How about this, when I'm done at Gringotts I'll go over to the Quidditch shop since I need to get some things there and then when Ron and I have finished up there we'll head over to the book shop and find you. Does that sound alright?"

Both Ron and Hermione nodded and smiled since now neither were going to be cut short in their browsing, "Alright then." Hermione said as she turned and began towards the book shop.

"See you later then mate." Ron happily replied and bounded down the street towards the Quidditch store.

_**XxXxXxXxXxXxXxX – XxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxX – XxXxXxXxXxXxXxX**_

As Harry reached Gringotts he had to stop and marvel at the snowy white building towering above all the little shops in Diagon Ally. A goblin stood beside its burnished bronze doors wearing a uniform of scarlet and gold. Harry walked up the white stone steps and looked to the goblin standing by the door. He remembered when he had first seen goblins, how he was only a head taller then they were, now though he was far taller then them. As Harry walked past him he bowed him in as he does with everyone who enters, and Harry went through the second door that was silver without even looking at the engraving as he went.

Harry walked a little ways inside and watched the goblins helping a few people that were already getting their money from vaults. As he stood there watching he noticed a familiar goblin walking towards him with a friendly smile on his face. "Hello again mister Potter."

"Griphook, it's good to see you again… I'm surprised you remember me since so many people walk in." Harry said

"Yes, but I do have a good memory, besides how can I forget Harry Potter?" Griphook replied. "The true honor is to be remembered by one as great as you."

Harry smiled at Griphook and looked around the building. He desperately wished that they could talk of something else or that Griphook was called somewhere else, but it was a wish he knew would not be granted since he was talking to someone, namely Harry Potter. As he stood there he smelled oil of some kind, probably used to shine the money, he heard clanking of jewels being weighed in the scales. His thoughts turned to the thoughts of earlier, to be forgotten by everyone who looked to him as a savior, as a hero, as the one who lived, and to just disappear from everything.

He was brought out of his thoughts when Griphook spoke up, "So mister Potter will you be withdrawing anything today. If you would like I could take you down to your vault."

"Yes, thank you Griphook."

"We'll have to wait for a moment since all the carts are in use right now. If you don't mind sitting over there for just a few minutes then I'll be right back to you." Griphook said, showing Harry to a wooden seat and then walked off to another goblin.

As he sat there he became lost in his thoughts again. They were flowing endlessly, unstoppable in his mind, all of them circling around death, Sirius's death, Cedric's death, his death…He could see himself, blood trickling down endlessly in a crimson river. He could feel his life slip away from him, the him in his mind's eye, quietly, peacefully, gracefully. He was letting go of life; of any hope of going on in the journey that is called life. An unwilling hero in the time of war, which is what he was. He wanted to know who his parents were, to live with them and Sirius, to have gotten his name cleared before his death. That is what he wanted, all he wanted… but it was rare for Harry Potter to get anything remotely like what he wanted, rarer in fact for him to be happy.

So lost in his thoughts he didn't notice that someone was walking towards him. He returned to his senses when he saw black shoes stop in front of him. Thinking it was probably Ron or someone from Hogwarts he looked up with a smile of greeting on his face. When he realized it wasn't someone from Hogwarts you greet with a smile, it slid from his face to a guarded face and he quickly stood.

"Malfoy," He snapped.

"Why if it isn't Potter. What's the matter, did you run out of money and thinking of a way to get some. Perhaps you can sell your autographs, though people would probably give you anything since the Dark Lord is back." Draco seethed to Harry. "I don't see your mudblood friend or that weasel anywhere, did they finally get smart and leave you."

Harry's fist's clinched and he was about to counter him when someone walked up behind Draco. "Draco, don't speak to lower class rift raff." Said the woman who Harry had seen at the Quidditch World Cup. He recalled her name was Narcissa Malfoy, Draco's mother. However there was something different about her.

He bit his tongue and he saw Griphook walking back to him quickly, as if knowing that something was about to happen. "Mister Potter a cart is now available for you sir." As he spoke Narcissa walked away, summoning Draco to follow her.

As Harry followed Griphook he looked back to the retreating Malfoy's and saw that Draco had looked back at the same moment and their eye's connected for a second before they broke the connection and continued going in their own directions.

_**XxXxXxXxXxXxXxX – XxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxX – XxXxXxXxXxXxXxX**_

A shrill whistle woke Harry from his thoughts. Looking around he found himself in a compartment on the Hogwarts Express alone. Though he could not remember when he had become lost in his thoughts, he did remember leaving the burrow, after that there was nothing but himself and his jumbled thoughts. He didn't even remember the journey to the Hogwarts Express, or when he had arrived, or even when he had sat down in the compartment alone. He began to wonder where Ron and Hermione had disappeared to because he remembered sitting and listening to there bickering at the burrow. As he stood and headed toward the door the two he had been going to look for waltzed into the compartment, both with smiles on their face.

"Hey there mate." Ron said moving into the compartment and sitting down beside the spot Harry had been sitting in previously. "Where were you going?"

"To look for you two actually…" Harry replied, slightly confused as to why they were both smiling. "Did something happen?"

"No, no, nothing happened. We just…uh…" Ron began to get red behind his ears.

"So Harry," Hermione jumped in, "Are you feeling any better? You've been in a sort of daze for the past week… Like you're there one minute listening fully to what's going on and then your gone."

Harry smiled at her, he didn't mean to worry her, didn't mean to worry anyone, but by the look she was giving him obviously she was worried… he wondered how many more people where worried by his recent behavior. "I'm fine Hermione, I've just had a lot on my mind is all, I'm sorry if I worried you guys."

Ron and Hermione nodded, knowing he'd talk about it when he was ready to talk about it, and if it were important they trusted him to tell them. Hermione sat in the seat across from Harry's as he took his seat and the three of them went into friendly conversation to make the time go by quicker. As they were talking of the coming school year their conversation turned to the years Defense Against the Dark Arts teacher.

"I wonder who it'll be… Do you think Dumbledore got Lupin to teach again?" Ron said hopefully.

"Don't be stupid Ron," Hermione said looking at him. "If they had then we would have found out with how many time he has visited the burrow to check up on Harry…" she stopped and looked to Harry not wanting him to think that everyone had been watching him, even though they were.

Pretending he didn't notice her gaze he continued where she had left off, "Yeah Hermione's right, plus if he had, now that everyone knows he's a werewolf, there would be angry letter's and skeptical parents that would be worried about their children… kind of like last year when everyone thought me and Dumbledore were loony."

"Yeah your right, I just hope it's no one like Umbridge. That was a bloody nightmare that was." Ron said looking out and gazing at the passing scenery.

Harry and Hermione both grinned at one another and looked at Ron. "She was but now that the Ministry knows Voldemort's back there shouldn't be anymore problems."

Not long into the train ride Ron and Harry started playing wizards chess and Hermione began where she had left off in the _Standard Book of Spells, Grade Six_. As Harry watched his queen give a valiant battle with Ron's knight, their compartment door opened and Neville Longbottom walked in. "Hey guys." He said looking at them.

"Hey Neville." Ron and Harry replied simultaneously, not really looking up to greet him, being too absorbed in their game.

Hermione looked up from behind her book at Neville, "Is something wrong Neville?"

"No I was just wondering how your summers were… and if it was okay if I sat with you guys for a bit." Neville asked nervously, worried they would tell him to go away.

Hermione noticed this and invited him to sit with her. "It will give me someone to talk to while they play their game." She lied with a friendly smile. She really wished she could have finished that chapter; it had been getting really good.

Neville smiled happily and plopped down next to Hermione since Harry and Ron were taking most of the seat they were on due to the board being between the two. Soon Hermione and Neville were talking about Herbology and the rare plants that are hard to care for and what potions they would be better used for, as Harry and Ron began their fourth match. Time seemed to pass quicker with the four of them in the compartment and Hermione soon forgot that Neville had interrupted her book.

A little later their compartment door slid open again; though this time they completely ignored it, until they heard the silky voice of Draco Malfoy. "Well, well, well, look who it is, Scarhead and his followers. I'd have thought that they'd have gone to Hogwarts over the summer, to scared to show their faces in the open you know… with _strange_ people lurking about."

Harry and Ron both turned and stood up quickly, their game forgotten, as they looked daggers into Draco. Unaffected by their threatening looks he just smirked and looked at them casually, "I didn't come here to fight –"

"Then sod off Malfoy!" Ron demanded, his glare promising a slow and painful death if he stayed, his hands already in fists.

Harry was standing behind Ron, prepared to grab him if he tried to lunge at him, Hermione following Harry's lead and finally standing up. Neville, not liking any sort of conflict, seemed to shrink back into the compartment wall, a distance away from those who were ready to fight. Malfoy, sensing the seriousness of the situation backed up only far enough so if anything happened Crab and Goyle could handle it, though he knew Harry would grab the weasel before anything happened, unless of course he went to far like he had last year. Just thinking about last year made his blood boil. He had been the one to start it, everyone knew it, that bitch could have just given Potter more detentions but no she had to take away his only damn rival on the field.

"Touchy as usual weasel, tell me, has your family lost their house yet?" Malfoy said, not flinching because he saw Harry grab his arm as he tried to move forward to attack him. He caught Potter's slight wince as he bent his elbow.

Harry, expecting Ron's lunge, had used his reflexes to catch him with out thinking. His elbow felt as though a dagger was going through it all of a sudden but he straightened his face quickly, hoping Malfoy didn't catch the pain that he showed for that split second. Hermione thankfully joined in the struggle to hold Ron back screaming, "HE'S NOT WORTH IT RON!" as he struggled against them both. Harry's elbow was screaming and he could feel it wanting to let go… he had to think fast.

"You better hold him back Potter, who knows what might happen." Draco said, coming even closer.

"Don't worry Malfoy I know exactly what would happen. He'd beat your face in and get in trouble for something that needs to be done." Harry answered, hoping Draco would just walk away.

"That's what you think isn't it Potter… tell me, how's your dog doing?" Draco sneered at Harry, laughing as he walked away, leaving the compartment.

Harry let Ron slip and he ran to the now empty compartment door, looking down the hall he yelled, "Yeah, you better walk away!" and slammed the door. "Bastard." And turned to Harry.

He now wore a pained expression on his face, but he didn't care about his elbow, it was his heart. It screamed, it cried, it wailed, it did everything to get the pain to go away, but it wouldn't… Harry knew that it might never go away; he knew he'd live with the guilt of having lead his own godfather into a trap that was set for him… A trap that coast him his life.

"You should have let me hit him." Ron muttered as he sat back down, watching Harry sit down without a word. They returned to their game, neither truly paying attention to it, as Hermione looked to a nervous Neville. "I suppose the year's already started hasn't it." She said with a small, forced, smile.

Neville nodded to her. "I suppose… actually I was wondering Harry, you think you be doing more of the DA this year? I really learned a lot from you last year and I was hoping that we could do it again this year. Gram was really happy with how much I had learned and I think I actually saw a tear of joy… though it was probably my imagination." Neville finished a slight embarrassed blush.

Ron and Harry looked at each other. Ron shrugged to Harry, and then Harry looked at Hermione as she gave a sigh. Harry looked to Neville and answered, his voice seeming distant to him. "If the teacher doesn't teach then _maybe_, but if they are a good teacher then you learn from them and if you need any help then I'll help you… I don't think I'll start the DA again." Harry finished feeling like he had just signed up for a lot of extra work. He could tell all ready that this year maybe one of his worst one's yet.

_**XxXxXxXxXxXxXxX – XxXxXxXx - With Draco - xXxXxXxX – XxXxXxXxXxXxXxX**_

He walked farther down the train, not really paying attention to anything around him. His mind was frazzled and not seeming to want to comprehend anything around him. He had struck Harry low, lower then he meant to and he should be proud to knock the wonder boys pride down a notch or several… but there was something telling him he had struck to low, even for him. He turned to the two bumbling buffoons that were following him. "You think you could give me a moment, go somewhere else and bother someone. It's annoying being followed by you two all the time; I do need thinking room you know." Draco shot at the two; not even staying long enough to enjoy their shocked faces and continued down the aisle.

He could smell the bits of food that the old witch had in her cart, and the food that had already been bought from her. There were so many scents of spices wafting around that there was no one scent. People were talking and all the voice's seemed to be melding together as he walked, his feet carrying him quickly down the aisle toward his destination.

As he reached the last compartment he heaved a sigh, if he was upset then he'd be able to tell. The Malfoy cool was needed in this situation. Getting his emotions under control he opened the compartment door… "Damn it Blaise, if you two are supposed to be secret you could seal the door like decent people." Draco drawled in a bored voice, with a hint of annoyance.

When Draco finished speaking Blaise gently let the red headed girl's legs hit the floor after they had unwrapped from around his waist. A soft, feminine laughter filled the compartment as the two quickly re adjusted their clothing. As Blaise turned he whipped off the lip gloss that had obviously come from the girl that had been in the process of pleasing Blaise in all ways before they got to Hogwarts. "Then you should knock Draco, me and Ginny got bored waiting for you and had to find ourselves some entertainment." Blaise said to Draco, wrapping his arm around Ginny and squeezing her close to him as she re buttoned her shirt.

As Draco looked at the obvious erection in Blaise's pants he raised an eyebrow to them. "I can leave so you two can finish enjoying your 'entertainment'."

Ginny gave Draco a smirk and then turned to Blaise. "I'll leave you two boys to talk." Standing on her tiptoes she kissed Blaise on the cheek. "I'll see you later though." And with that she left the compartment, sliding the door closed slowly, seductively.

Blaise dropped to one of the compartment seats with a frustrated groan. "Damn, I so wanted to finish that… you will not be able to believe how talented she is. I mean she is really well known to the male population of Hogwarts, even to the Slytherins, for good reasons. I think she is actually one of the best, I'm just glade Harry never took her."

Draco's heart wanted to sink when he heard Harry's name and he desperately wanted to throttle Blaise for reminding him of what he had done not to long ago. He sank beside Blaise on the seat and just looked at him with a bored expression. "You are a very sad man Blaise." But in truth he was jealous of him, he could say Harry's name, speak to Harry on neutral terms, hell he was fucking one of Harry's close friend's sister and she could probably bring him home and they wouldn't put up much of a fight… just to be able to have a peaceful moment with Harry, that is like a dream he knows will never come true.

Blaise smirked at Draco, "Don't worry Draco; I'm sure if you ever get with someone seriously then they'll have talents that will make you…" Blaise groaned just thinking about some of the things he and Ginny had already done. Shaking himself back to reality he looked to Draco and placed a hand on his shoulder. "So how have you been this summer, I kind of lost contact with you near the middle of it when things, if I remember correctly, were heating up at your place?"

Draco almost let his exhaustion slip out from his hold but he held it fast and just looked at Blaise. "I don't see how mother loved that man… I was mostly comforting her with father in Azkaban and the Ministry searching the Malfoy manor. Nothing much to talk about."

"Or there's not much you _want _to talk about." Blaise said for him. "Fine don't tell me, but sooner or later you really are going to need to talk to someone… and it better be me cause what are friends for."

"Whatever you say Blaise." Draco drawled out, enjoying the fact that he wasn't alone. He finally had someone next to him after a lonely summer of nothing _but_ problems.

"Speaking of Harry," Blaise said, something hidden under his voice.

"Shove it Blaise." Draco said, leaning back to relax.

"Fine…" Blaise sighed, knowing he wouldn't get to see Ginny until later that night. He'd have to relieve himself soon due to the fact that it was really starting to hurt, but he wasn't going to pull it out and finish the job while Draco was here or conscious. He was _not _going to start wanking in front of Draco; no guy wants to watch another guy satisfying himself.

Draco looked over to Blaise. He smiled knowingly and leaned to his ear, "Do you want me to help you with that problem you have Blaise? I'll make you scream in ecstasy, complete rapture." And licked his earlobe.

Blaise smiled at Draco, "Never thought you'd ask."

This time the compartment was sealed and then the room was silenced so not to draw attention to them.

**END OF CHAPTER TWO!**

**A/N: **Another chapter done, some more of this tale told, what a joyous day it is. Okay, now enough with the crazy talk. I hope you guys enjoyed the story, it took me some time to finish and it turned out rather well. I am sure some of you have noticed small mistakes here and there but I do hope it's alright; I have no beta and tend to miss even the smallest of things. At this time I am working on multiple things, all having to have complete attention but alas I only have so much with my ADD habits. Please review and tell me what you think, thanks for reading!


	3. Chapter 3

_**Summary: **_Harry's sixth year at Hogwarts is filled with taunting dreams and dark secrets. Sirius' death fresh in his mind and bleeding in his heart, he finds his body taking the abuse for his pain as he blames himself. Harry Potter has fallen on hard times and this time he is not able to stand back up on his own, doesn't have the strength to stand back on his own. How will he ever be able to get back up, how will he ever find his strength again to continue to battle against Voldemort whose power is growing at a rapid rate? Plus what's with the new transfer student in Slytherin house following Harry around for? A beautiful new Defense Against the Dark Arts teacher has come to Hogwarts, but the question is will they make it through the year or do they have a secret agenda like all the others? Find out in the story _**Longing to be Found**_.

_**Disclaimer: **_I do not own Harry Potter and am making no profit off this story… Besides, I doubt if I did own Harry Potter I could make seven books or even if I did they wouldn't even be a third as good as they are. Plus there would be pairing changes, character personalities wouldn't be the same, and some would be so scared it wouldn't even be funny; defiantly would not have been a children's book. I _do_ however own the two OC's in this story and would greatly appreciate it if you did not copy them.

_**Warnings: **_DARK! Contains mature content and adult themes not suitable for young children, slash **(male/male relationships ****beyond**** friendship)**, non-con **(rape)**, strong language, PWP at times, self mutilation, self gratification **(masturbation)**, OOCness, AU…  
_**YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED!...**_

_Rated:__M/NC-17  
__Drama/Angst_

_**Longing to be Found…  
**__**By: TwilightKitsune1**_

**Chapter Three (3)  
****- Meeting New Faces - **

The train screeched to a halt in Hogsmeade like it does every year, and the students began to pile out. As Harry, Ron, and Hermione got off the train they heard the familiar yells of "Fir's years follow me!" coming from Hagrid as he walked, with his lantern held above him, down beside the train. They smiled and ran towards him to say hello before they headed to go into the castle. The night air was warm and had a slight breeze; the sky was clear and the moon bright. It seemed like a perfect night to return to the castle, '_And to the watchful, hero mongering, eyes of all those in that goddamn castle.'_ Said an unbidden thought in Harry's mind.

"Hello Hagrid." Hermione said as soon as they reached him.

"'ello you three. It's been a while, how you lot doing?" Hagrid asked his eyes on Harry.

Harry had to smile to himself; he should have known Hagrid would be worried about him. Harry put on his award winning mask that fooled most people into believing he was alright and smiled at Hagrid, "We're doing fine, how about you Hagrid?"

"Fine, fine… You three better get a move on it and get to the carriages before you have to jog to the castle." He said turning and walking back down the train, continuing his yell for first years.

"He's right, let's go." Hermione said and she began to the carriages, Ron and Harry following close behind.

_**XxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxX – XxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxX - XxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxX**_

As they entered into the castle Harry's elbow began to bother him again, and he realized there was no way around the fact he had to get it checked out. Deciding what he was going to do and what he was going to say he continued with Ron and Hermione to the great hall, he would wait till after the feast to talk with Madam Pomfrey, or at least wait till she leaves the great hall. Besides as he smelled the food that was wafting through the halls from the kitchen his stomach was feeling amazingly empty.

As they passed the double doors to the great hall he saw all the students already inside, talking and laughing, or running up to friends that they probably hadn't seen all summer and giving them tight hugs. It was because Voldemort had returned and everyone finally accepted it. Though all last year everyone had thought Dumbledore and he were barking mad since they held true to warning everyone that was around, all those in the wizarding world, that Voldemort had returned. After he was spotted in the Ministry of Magic by the Minister himself everyone finally accepted the fact that he was alive. Since then people became afraid to step out of their houses, or stop having contact with who they normally have contact with, fearful that they would end up dead the next day, hour even.

People greeted him, a smile and a wave from a few but they didn't really keep a conversation going which was perfectly fine with him. Harry took a seat at the Gryffindor table, his mind was on nothing but trying to see if Madam Pomfrey was in the great hall. He saw her sitting up at the staffs table having a conversation with Professor McGonagall. He'd have to wait, and hope that Madam Pomfrey didn't tell McGonagall about his injury.

"Hey Harry…" Ron's voice cut through his thoughts, quickly pulling out of his mind.

Blinking a couple of times to completely clear his thought, remembering with Snape in the great hall he had to be careful what he thought, what memories were on display in his mind. Even though he had continued to train himself in Occlumency over the summer he wasn't sure if he could block his mind completely from him. He looked to Ron, who was sitting across from him, and Hermione who was beside him, he saw their worried looks. "What's the matter guys?" Harry asked, trying to act as though nothing was wrong.

"Mate, are you sure you're alright? I mean you've been weird all summer and we're worried about you." Ron said, moving forward slightly.

"I'm fine, really I am." Harry replied, a small, confused but hopefully reassuring smile on his face.

"Harry, you would tell us if there was anything… anything at all… We are friends and we want to help you whenever and with whatever we can." Hermione said, her face also showing concern.

"I would tell you if anything was wrong… but there's nothing wrong to tell." Harry tried to reassure them. Though in his heart he screamed, he didn't want them to know, to worry. "I guess I'm just tiered, that's all… So who's the new teacher?" Harry asked finally looking at the new Defense Against the Dark Arts teacher and completely changing the subject.

"Well no one knows who she is; in fact no one has ever seen her before… Ron figure's she's a veela because she, as Ron put's it, made him feel '_funny_'." Hermione said, giving Ron a disapproving glance.

"Well she's gotta be!" Ron said, trying to defend himself against her accusation and her accusing look.

"Sure she is… my god Ron, she's a _teacher_!"

"So, a lot of other people felt it when they saw her!... and it's not just her looks, I saw you blushing too."

"You're such a git Ron!" Hermione said, looking indignant.

"What do you think Harry?" Ron asked looking to Harry for support.

Looking at Ron and then giving a nervous smile to Hermione he looked back up to the staff table. He saw her, she had shinning brown hair with a natural red tent to it; it looked like it reached down to just past her waist line when she stands up. It had single braids running throughout it, small enough to accent it but not too much to where it looks like it is over powered by braids while the rest of her hair seemed unnaturally straight. Her skin had a golden glow to it, as if she shinned with some hidden power that was humming. Her eyes were an amazing ice blue that had flecks of a jade green in them. She was wearing a tight velvet purple robe that hugged her body perfectly. She was speaking to Dumbledore, and it looked like a funny conversation since both were laughing and Dumbledore's eyes had a twinkle in them.

"So what do you think Harry?" Hermione asked, Ron looking expectantly at him.

"She is beautiful– "

"HA! I told you Hermione." Ron said, looking slightly proud of himself.

"—But she isn't a veela. Usually you instantly want to have them, to penetrate them, to have every inch of them and share with no one… but the only thing I'm getting from her is that she's powerful, magically, and that she is beautiful to the eye, but like any other person is beautiful to the eye, nothing special." Harry said, just then realizing that he had completely missed the beginning of the feast. He had been so lost in his thoughts for so long, before Ron pulled him out, that he had missed every word that had been said from Dumbledore. He poured himself some pumpkin juice trying to act as though he had known that there was food and drink around him.

Ron opened and closed his mouth as though he were a fish out of water for a few minutes. He looked over at Harry to say something but his thoughts were thrown away as he saw Harry's face. He was confused and slightly curious but his eyes were looking towards the other table, the Slytherin table. "Mate, what's the matter?"

"Nothing… but it looks like Malfoy's upset about something…"

Ron and Hermione quickly turned and looked towards the Slytherin table. Harry was right about Draco he did seem upset, in fact he didn't just seem upset he seemed furious. He was looking to the staff table, as if trying to will it to spontaneously combust. "I wonder what's wrong with him." Hermione whispered.

"Does it matter? If it pisses Malfoy off it must be good." Ron whispered to Harry and Hermione.

"Yeah…" Harry mumbled, finishing off his pumpkin juice. He couldn't shake the feeling that there was something between the new teacher and Draco, something he couldn't put his finger on… When he looked back up at the teachers table he saw that at some point Madam Pomfrey had left the great hall. "Well I think I'm going to head to the common room, do you guys know the password?"

"It's _silver snow_." Hermione said as she poured herself another glass of pumpkin juice.

"Do you want us to come with you mate?" Ron asked as he was finishing piling his plate of food.

"Thanks but no, I'll see you guys later." Harry said, and left as quickly and hopefully unnoticed. He wished he had noticed the food earlier since he was leaving with an empty stomach now but he had to speak with Madam Pomfrey tonight about his elbow. However, as he left he didn't notice the six pairs of eyes that watched as he walked to the exit, as he walked out of the great hall, or how they stared at the door long after it had closed.

_**XxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxX – XxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxX - XxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxX**_

The hall was empty of anyone, and all Harry could hear were the students in the great hall, though it was muffled, and his shoes against the marble floor. When he was sure he was far enough away from the great hall he gripped onto his elbow and bit down on his lower lip so no sound would escape his mouth. The pain was beginning to worsen, it had been since the last week of summer but he didn't want the Weasley's to worry about him so he kept quiet. Though he remembered once when it was almost discovered that his elbow was badly hurt when Ron had tried to wake him up one morning from one of his recurring nightmares with Sirius in it. Ron had grabbed his arm and didn't even shake Harry before the pain had hit him, fully waking him up in seconds and clutching his elbow in pain. Ron had thought he had hurt him before; thinking quickly, Harry said that he had probably slept on it wrong at some point in the night, or banged it against something but it didn't hurt to bad so he shouldn't worry. Ron, being who he is, told his mother about Harry's arm and she looked it over. Harry was biting his tongue against the pain but was able to hold in his scream and when she had finished he said he needed to get changed, ran into the bathroom with his clothes, after telling Ron that he would be quick, silenced the entire room and screamed. He screamed like there was no tomorrow, fell onto the ground rolled into the fetal positions and cried. Slowly standing up after a few minutes, his legs shaking from the pain, he un did the silencing spell and turned the water on… when he left the bathroom after fifteen or sixteen more minutes, no one suspected a thing.

As he entered into the hospital wing he saw Madam Pomfrey walking around the beds with clean sheets, placing them at the foot of every one of the beds. "Madam Pomfrey…"

She jumped at the sudden interruption of the silence that had been complete in the room. "Oh Harry, what are you doing in here?" she sighed when she saw his hand griping his elbow, "The school year hasn't even begun Mr. Potter, and here you are coming to me to check your injuries… What seems to be the problem?" she asked, eyeing his elbow and walking towards him.

"Um… I hurt my elbow pretty bad this summer and I didn't want to worry anyone and since it was close to the school year I figured I could wait to see you…" Harry said quickly walking towards her and letting her grab a hold, but not painfully, of his elbow.

She clicked her tongue as she looked at it and her eyebrows furrowed together making an upset, worried face. "Harry… How did you do this?" she asked, handing him a sleeveless shirt, "Change you shirt and wear this instead so I can get a better look at it, but be careful!" her voice was stern and she pointed her wand to a bed that made itself instantly. "Go over there and wait for me alright." Madam Pomfrey ordered walking towards the door.

"Madam Pomfrey, could this just be between us?" Harry asked, hoping that she said yes.

"Harry, normally I'd say yes… but you might have to wear a sling as it heals." Madam Pomfrey said. Her eyes looked to the door as if willing someone to walk through the door. Closing her eyes she looked to Harry. "Change, I'll see if I can fix it in a night, but if I can't then I will have to tell both Dumbledore and McGonagall about your injury."

Harry nodded; he knew that the injury wouldn't be able to be hidden between the two of them. Now that he thought about it he should have gone to St. Mungo's Hospital when he had the chance. He nodded to her and headed over to where she told him to go; he had to have something done about his elbow, the year was just beginning and if it was bothering him this much now he didn't even want to imagine how much pain he'd be going through in a few more weeks.

_**)-()-()-()-()-(An hour and a half later)-()-()-()-()-(**_

Madam Pomfrey finished the bandaging of his elbow and checked the hold. "I think that should do for now… You're lucky you've been taking care of it Harry or else you might have had to have it in a sling."

Harry smiled. He could tell that she had sent a message to McGonagall and Dumbledore when she went to her office but his elbow was only a slight twinge now, barely noticeable. His mind was working better now that there wasn't searing pain to draw his attention more then the world around him. As he sat there he smiled to Madam Pomfrey, "So my elbows alright now?"

"Not completely, but it will be able to move more, to do more then hurt, but don't over work it Potter or I will put you in a sling." She said standing up. "Take this, one tablet a night for the next week and you should be fine."

"What about that potion you gave me?" Harry asked his stomach turning due to the potion she had told him to down in one gulp, which he had with out question and forced it to stay down, but his arm felt, almost, like there was nothing wrong with it.

"You want more Potter?" she asked, laughter in her eyes as Harry quickly shook his head. "Well then don't worry. Those tablets are almost as strong as that potion; they are made of the potion but solidified… But you won't have to have the terrible taste in your mouth after you take it; unfortunately it's not as strong as the potion."

As Harry was standing up to leave he grabbed his wand, waved it and smiled. The sleeveless shirt that Madam Pomfrey had asked him to wear while she looked over his elbow disappeared and was replaced with the shirt he had worn into the ward; when his shirts were changed he put his cloak back on. "I see your getting better with your wand Harry. I'm sure your teachers will be pleased to learn that."

Harry smiled for a second, scratching his check in embarrassment. "err… Thanks Madam Pomfrey."

She smiled and waved her wand at the shirt that Harry had been wearing and it disappeared. "Well—" Madam Pomfrey said but was interrupted by the door opening and Professor McGonagall walking in the room with Dumbledore beside her.

"Potter, what happened?" McGonagall asked as she neared Harry.

"I got hurt over the summer and I just wanted Madam Pomfrey to check it before the school year began."

"How did you hurt your self?" she asked, gently picking up his arm and pushing the sleeve back to see the bandaging,

"I fell off my broom when I was practicing during the summer… It wasn't hurting me to bad but it was probably because I was taking care of it." Harry replied, shielding his mind when he felt someone, probably Dumbledore, prying into his thoughts, his mind. "It's the truth…" Harry said, looking directly at Dumbledore.

"I see…" Dumbledore said, his eyes concerned but accepting. _'I'm glad you continued your training in Occlumency.' _Dumbledore said right into Harry's mind.

'_Sir, how are we talking like this?'_ Harry said in his mind, hoping Dumbledore heard him.

'_Because we are users of Occlumency and using the mind, penetrating the mind, is an easy feat.'_ Dumbledore explained.

"It's late Potter," McGonagall said unaware of the private conversation going on, "You should go to your dorm room and get some sleep."

"Alright then, thank you Madam Pomfrey." With that Harry walked out and headed to the Gryffindor tower.

As he shut the door behind him he felt Dumbledore's attempts to penetrate his mind suddenly stop. He knew he was going to have to stay on his toes if he was going to keep his mind protected.

_**XxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxX – XxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxX - XxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxX**_

Harry walked slowly down the hall, his black cloak billowing behind him, moving as if it were made of smoke. He could feel his mind slipping back into its normal depressing thoughts as he walked in a rhythmic pace. His eyes were looking forward but were unseeing and he didn't even know which direction he was going but he didn't care, he moved out of pure instinct. He knew the familiar paths of his "home"… _"Home…"_ Harry thought. What exactly made him feel like this place was his home… The answer to his question came to him, almost as if someone was whispering it to him, _"This place was home because he was safe here. He had never been hurt here and all that he had to do here was learn to protect himself. He is safe here and has never been put in intentional danger… for the most part."_

As he neared the portrait of the fat lady, he heard someone calling out to him from down the hall. Turning to greet who ever it was that brought him out of his thoughts, thinking they were from his house and just getting in from doing what ever they were doing, he found himself face to face with a Slytherin. His mood instantly darkened and he became weary of the boy, teenager, in front of him.

He seemed normal, but he wasn't sure if he was as older or younger then he was, and actually had a friendly aura around him considering he was from Slytherin. He had shoulder length black hair that was straight and shined with the surrounding lights. His eyes were an amazing hazel that had a small bit of golden glow that didn't seem natural in them. His skin was a pale golden color that had no blemishes or marks of any kind. He was a little shorter then Harry, and he was toned a little showing he was not lazy in the least. Looking at him stand there with a friendly smile some how made Harry feel inferior to him. In fact his uniform seemed as if it was made specifically for him. It clung in the places that were perfect to cling to, hung from the right places to hang from, and in fact made him look like a sex god. There were no words to describe what Harry thought of him, but a blush came to his checks unbidden by anything.

"Hey there Harry Potter." The nameless boy greeted, pulling Harry out of his thoughts, though the thoughts had been of a perverted nature.

"Who are you?" Harry was finally able to say, his weariness returning.

"It's Alex Capper." He looked down the hall, and glanced around before he returned his attention to Harry. "I wanted to speak with you… and the headmaster if that's possible."

Harry stood there, confused about the request he stared at him for a moment longer. There was a slight sweat forming on his brow from an obvious worry, but from what Harry didn't know. As Harry was about to speak he did it, the one motion that Harry didn't even think he'd do. His right hand reached up, as if by its own will, and clasped his left forearm. Harry didn't need to ask him why he did what he did; he knew that his hand had instinctively clasped a dark mark. It was the symbol of being a loyal, devoted follower of Voldemort himself; this boy could very well be a Death Eater even if he was young. Harry's hand moved as instinctual as Alex's had, and grasped his wand. He would not be caught off guard, he refused to be. Harry was ready to jump into a dual should the other begin threatening motions.

His hand tightened and he looked at Harry pleading, "Please, I need your help."

Harry stood there and looked at him, "With what?"

'_The walls have ears… I need to speak with both you and Dumbledore.'_ The boy pleaded in Harry's mind.

As Harry was about to reply and ask him how he knew how to speak in people's minds they heard footsteps coming from the other side of the hall. Thinking quickly Harry grabbed Alex and maneuvered them to a secluded corner with Harry's back to the light. They looked as if they were having an intimate moment. The steps continued after stopping for a moment, both were positive that who ever it had been had stopped to look at them. When they were sure the person was gone Harry looked at Alex, and if it hadn't been so dark he'd have sworn that he was blushing. "Alex, I think we should meet somewhere where we won't get eased dropped on."

Alex deftly nodded his agreement, his hands gripping at Harry's robes and his head was slightly buried in Harry's chest. He pulled back and Harry stared at him, his eyes dropping to his lips, and even though he wasn't looking at his face he could swear Alex was doing the same. "You should probably—"

Harry was interrupted when Alex's lips suddenly crashed against Harry's. Harry wanted to fight him for a second but then the thought of putting any fight up was thrown out of his mind. He couldn't stop himself, his body was reacting on it's own as his tongue slowly began to slip out and slowly run along his bottom lip. Alex's mouth opened with no hesitation, no resistance. Harry's hands began to slide down his sides, one moving to his butt, the other stopping at his hip. Alex moaned wrapping one hand around Harry's neck, as the other went into his hair pulling him closer, making the kiss deeper, more passionate.

Harry could feel himself getting excited; he could also feel Alex's excitement. As Harry was trying to gather his composure and will power to pull away and stop this Alex rolled his hips, grinding their growing erections together. Harry groaned. This was torture, complete torture.

He felt one of Alex's hands move down, his hand racking his nails over his shirt, as if trying to claw the offending cloth off of him. When he reach the end of the shirt he slipped his hand underneath and moved it back up, his fingers barely touching Harry's skin. His hand stopped at Harry's nipple and he began to play with it, rolling and pinching it between his fingers. Their tongues continued to battle first in Alex's then in Harry's, fighting for supremacy. One of Alex's legs rose, wrapping around Harry's waist tightly and the other followed soon after.

With Alex pinned between Harry and the wall he moaned into the kiss and rolled his hips again and again, begging Harry to take him in his mind. Harry heard him and wanted nothing more then to comply with his demand. He pumped against Alex, slamming him into the wall and his erection making Alex whimper.

'_God Harry!... I want you; I want you to fuck me! Please!' _Alex begged in Harry's mind.

Harry wanted it too, he wanted him so bad that he completely forgot that they were in the Gryffindor hall and Alex was a Slytherin, he forgot that earlier Alex had grabbed his left forearm where the dark mark should be. He forgot about everything except that he wanted this boy that was willing to have sex with him, he wanted him so bad.

Harry's hand reached up to Alex's shirt and he quickly began unbuttoning it, breaking the kiss he moved down his neck, nipping at any piece of skin his mouth meet. As he reached the boy's nipples he took one of them into his mouth, nibbling and sucking, rolling it with his tongue; just playing with it to hear Alex's moans. His legs gripped him harder and he rolled his hip again, causing friction between their growing erections.

So lost in their bliss that they failed to hear the footsteps that were coming towards them; and they weren't the leisurely footsteps from before either.

They were pulled away when a hand was placed on Harry's shoulder and a soft cough was heard. Harry quickly released Alex and his legs slid down Harry's sides and he pulled his shirt together quickly and began to re button it, straightening his clothes as Harry did. They were looking at a disapproving Professor McGonagall and when she got a good look at them her disapproving look turned to shock. "Harry, what are you doing, I thought you knew better then this! To think one of my Gryffindor's would be doing something so… so… immoral in the hallway!" she looked at Alex, "And you're a new student here right? Well I don't know how they ran things in your old school but around Hogwarts these things are _not _acceptable."

'_Professor, you have to understand, we were talking about order things, asking for our help, and someone was coming so we had to hide… then things kind of… got out of control.'_ Harry explained in McGonagall's mind. He knew it was a weak fight but it was the truth.

She gave them both disapproving looks then spoke, "Alex, return to your house."

"Y-yes ma'am." Alex said, giving Harry a glance that promised they'd meet up again later and left.

"Harry… I'll want an explanation later, for now go to your dorm room… there will be no points taken but you now have two weeks detention, and they will be served with Professor Snape… and no lip. Now, off with you." McGonagall finished.

As Harry was walking away he couldn't help it he wanted to know, he pierced McGonagall's thoughts. '_I don't believe this… with a Slytherin… Dumbledore will not believe this…'_ Harry let go of her thoughts and walked to the fat lady's portrait.

"Well, well, well, look at that, can you believe it, Harry Potter has a thing for his own sex." She commented when he got there. "So who was it, obviously they aren't from this house so which one is it?"

He spared her a glance then said, "Silver snow" she swung forward and he walked past her completely ignoring what she was saying.

As he entered the common room no one was there and the fire was only embers… _How late is it?_ Harry though miserably, not really caring… He felt sick, like he was disgusting. How his body was reacting, how he had _enjoyed _himself made him want to hurl. He felt disgusting, like he was some kind of sick pervert, he didn't know what to do. Sure if Alex had been a girl he'd be fine but… Alex wasn't a girl. He wanted to hit something, to hurt something, to throw something. He wanted to get Alex's noises out of his head, how he was pleading with him to _fuck_ him, he wanted to forget that he had almost complied with what he wanted.

Slowly walking up the spiral steps and to the room that now said _sixth years_ going inside he saw that everyone was already asleep, but not really paying any mind to them he walked towards his bed. He was thankful that he didn't have to face anyone after what had happened. He plopped down on his bed not even caring if he changed clothes or not. There were tears building in his eyes, tears he didn't want to shed… he looked out into the night sky past the window pane from his bed. How he wished he could fly away… to fly far, far away from here, to a place no one knew him but that was impossible, everyone knew the boy who lived…

Not really thinking he waved his wand above a stray feather from his pillow case. The once pristine white feather turned into a shining silver blade. He didn't know how he did that, in fact he didn't even notice he did it in the first place. What he did notice was the blade slipping across his skin, his blood running down his skin like a red water fall. One slit, two slit, three slit, soon he lost count of how many he had done, the pain taking his misery and his blood. When he was satisfied he just sat there, the moon light shinning into his room making his injuries visible. He just sat there and watched, watched as his blood trickled down, soon coming to a stop and his arm was covered in dry blood. His pain was completely gone, his misery was completely gone, but the blood remained on his arm, staining it for the night.

**The End of Chapter Three (3)**

**A/N: **Well that's it for chapter three! So what did you guys think? I know, I know I said this is a Draco/Harry and people are probably like "WTF mate, whys Harry almost fucking an OOC" well to answer your question, story progression… plus I wanted some sweet, sweet man loving. Well now that that's said don't forget to review, tanks for reading!


	4. Chapter 4

_**Summary: **_Harry's sixth year at Hogwarts is filled with taunting dreams and dark secrets. Sirius' death fresh in his mind and bleeding in his heart, he finds his body taking the abuse for his pain as he blames himself. Harry Potter has fallen on hard times and this time he is not able to stand back up on his own, doesn't have the strength to stand back on his own. How will he ever be able to get back up, how will he ever find his strength again to continue to battle against Voldemort whose power is growing at a rapid rate? Plus what's with the new transfer student in Slytherin house following Harry around for? A beautiful new Defense Against the Dark Arts teacher has come to Hogwarts, but the question is will they make it through the year or do they have a secret agenda like all the others? Find out in the story _**Longing to be Found**_.

_**Disclaimer: **_I do not own Harry Potter and am making no profit off this story… Besides, I doubt if I did own Harry Potter I could make seven books or even if I did they wouldn't even be a third as good as they are. Plus there would be pairing changes, character personalities wouldn't be the same, and some would be so scared it wouldn't even be funny; defiantly would not have been a children's book. I _do_ however own the two OC's in this story and would greatly appreciate it if you did not copy them.

_**Warnings: **_DARK! Contains mature content and adult themes not suitable for young children, slash **(male/male relationships ****beyond**** friendship)**, non-con **(rape)**, strong language, PWP at times, self mutilation, self gratification **(masturbation)**, OOCness, AU…  
_**YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED!...**_

_Rated:__M/NC-17  
__Drama/Angst_

_**Longing to be Found…  
**__**By: TwilightKitsune1**_

**Chapter Four (4)  
****-The New Year Begins- **

The next morning after an _interesting _night Harry was woken up by Ron's shakes to his shoulder. Though he had a night filled with fitful nightmares he didn't want to get up so his only replies to Ron was a muffled "mmph" into his pillows as he pulled the covers over his head. "Come on Harry get up, we have to go down to breakfast and get our schedules."

The only answer was a grumbled "'s to early… five more minutes."

"Harry you didn't eat last night mate you need to go down and get something. Plus you won't know your classes if you don't go get you schedule." Ron persisted. Getting tiered of Harry's resistance he grabbed a fist full of his blankets and yanked them off Harry and they landed in a pile on the floor. "Get up Harry; I'll give you five minutes to dress before I send Hermione up." Ron said.

Harry again ignored Ron and just rolled over and continued sleeping. "Damnit Harry!" grabbing one of Harry's pillows he began to beat him with it.

Shocked from the suddenly violent Ron and the loss of his comfortable pillow Harry tried to protect himself from the onslaught. "Ron!" Harry used his arm to deflect his next hits, "I'm up now I swear!!"

"You sure? Last time I believed you say that you waited till I left and went back to sleep and wouldn't wake up till an hour and a half later." Ron said, the pillow still gripped in his hand and poised above his head; weary of his friend's drowsiness.

"Positive… when did you get so violent waking people up?" Harry said slightly moving away from his friend with a deadly weapon, it was known as the pillow. Not paying attention to how far he moved he found himself sliding off the bed, "OW!" Harry screamed as his tiered and sleep deprived body found its self painfully on the floor.

As Ron finished laughing he shrugged his shoulders and threw the pillow back on Harry's bed. He walked over to his bed and sat down before he smiled to his childhood friend who was sitting on the floor glaring at him. "Just came to me, but it woke you up so now I have a new way of waking you up if the Hermione threat doesn't work."

"Not funny." Harry pouted as he stood up and took his shirt off and began to look for clothes for today; his gaze drifting to the window he had looked out last night.

The day, though just beginning, was already bright outside. The sky was a crisp blue with a few pure white clouds floating in the sky. The sun was casting a golden light in the sky, making it seem as if it were made of a light gold and a perfect blue mixed together. The owls were flying around outside, the few that were late getting back last night just returning or brining mail to the students already in the Great Hall. The faint sound of birds chirping was heard just outside the castle walls. It was a beautiful morning to, hopefully, a good day. Harry sighed and continued on his search.

"Hey Harry… Can I ask you something?" Ron said, his hands clasping together and looking out the window Harry had been distracted by.

Harry stopped his search and turned to Ron. He had to smile to himself because Ron looked so nervous, as if the question was the most embarrassing thing to ask. "Yeah, shoot." He said as he walked over and sat next Ron on his bed.

"It's really stupid." Ron said, his ears beginning to blush and he refused to meet Harry's eyes.

Harry gave Ron a stern look, even though he couldn't see his face he hoped Ron knew that he wouldn't laugh or say that it was stupid. "What is it Ron?"

"Howdoyoukeepyourbodysowellbuilt?" Ron said in one rushed breath.

Harry gave Ron a confused look and smiled slightly, "Sorry mate didn't catch that, could you possibly say it again, a little slower this time."

Still refusing to look at Harry, his ears beginning to burn blood red he repeated, "How do you… keep your body so well built?" he said in a whisper but loud enough for Harry to hear.

When he had finished Harry's eyes were large and a small blush was coming to him. "Wh-what do you mean 'well built'?" Harry looked around uncomfortably, "Besides why are you asking me this all of a sudden?"

"No reason… just curious." Ron said standing up and walking a little away and finally turning to face Harry. "And you are well built Harry, I've heard girls in the halls talking about you, some blokes talking too… apparently from what they are saying your very 'hot, sexy, and extremely fuckable'."

Harry could feel his face burning now, "What do you mean?"

"I mean what I said, plus there's some interesting stuff too. Apparently there's a list of whose hot, sexy, or fuckable in the school and only ten people can make it onto the list. If you're on all three, which only five are allowed to be, then you make the 'Hot, Sexy, and Extremely Fuckable' list which is hard to get on. I found out that you made it onto the list and you're the second on it too which is apparently hard to do, _and _you've been on it every year since you came to Hogwarts… Granted so has the first guy on them." Ron said the last sentence in a grumble and that caught Harry's attention even though he felt as though his head was about to catch fire.

"Who's the first one? And there are girls on the list right?"

"Well yeah but there is a different list for girls and guys… And Malfoy is the first guy on the list, but it's a tight race between you two." Ron said matter of factly, a great impression of Hermione in Harry's opinion. "In fact the reason it's such a short list is because the entire girl population agrees who's who' and who's on what. Most of the female population here, if not all of them, wants to fuck all the guys on the 'Hot, Sexy, and Extremely Fuckable guys in Hogwarts' list."

"Are you serious?" Harry asked, his mind not really believing what Ron was saying.

"Yeah…didn't you know?"

Harry violently shook his head, "I had no idea…"

Ron was about to say something when one of their fellow Gryffindors, Seamus Finnigan, walked into the room interrupting Ron. "Well he's not only liked by the female population here you know, he is well liked by the gay's here too. He is in fact neck in neck with Draco, almost better then him…" his eyes roamed over Harry's topless body and his pants that were low on his waist. He smirked as he looked him over, "but if you walk around the school like that I can guarantee that you'll be top of the list and we'll all be after you… but I have first dibs right Harry?" he winked at Harry when he finished. "Keep those defined abs of yours."

Ron looked between the two of them and quickly grabbed Harry. "We'll see you later Seamus." Ron said grabbing a shirt from Harry's trunk, a pair of pants, boxers, and Harry's cloak and lead Harry to the Gryffindor sixth year bathing area.

"You guys weren't serious were you?" Harry asked, finally remembering how to speak.

Ron gave Harry a sympathetic look and smiled "Sorry mate… I grabbed you some clothes so you can take a shower before we head down to breakfast if you want… I'll guard the door since everyone else already took one."

Harry smiled, Ron really was a good friend, '_always looking out for me' _Harry thought to himself. "Thanks."

_**)-()-()-()-()-(in the shower)-()-()-()-()-(**_

Harry just stood there as the water washed over his body. He always thought clearer in the shower, most people did. The conversation from earlier ran through his head. How could people think he looked good? He was to scrawny, at least compared to others his age, he didn't have 'defined abs' as Seamus was saying he had a normal stomach that had a six pack, and that barely showed anyway so it really couldn't be 'defined'. His hair, only recently becoming controllable, used to always be messy and he could do nothing with it, still can't but at least now it didn't stick up at every angle looking like he rolled out of bed, threw clothes on and walked out. In fact the only thing he had going for him was his magic and even that wasn't as good as some of the people here, and his Quidditch skill… Nothing special really.

He closed his eyes. He was glad he had cleaned the wound and healed it last night before exhaustion had over taken him. That would have been difficult to explain to Ron if he had seen them. He was actually worried for a little last night when they weren't healing completely since a few had been too deep to heal easily. Thankfully they had become small enough for his body to heal them its self, now all that remained from what he had done last night were red welts that he could say he had an annoying itch and itched to hard.

He washed his hair with his hands as a few enchanted sponges, he had enchanted himself, moved around him scrubbing him with soap. His thoughts turned to Alex. That had been a mistake, and he'd tell him so this morning when he got into the Great Hall… but he'd use Legilimency instead of talking to him face to face so no one knew he was talking to Harry Potter just incase Voldemort found out. A perfect plan, hopefully he was in the Great Hall.

He nodded to himself and was about to just stand in the warm water and relax when he heard Seamus and Ron outside… sighing to himself and not wanting Seamus to tackle Ron just to get into the bathroom so he could see Harry naked he turned the water off and went to dry off and get dressed. So far today seemed… interesting.

_**XxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxX – XxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxX - XxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxX**_

Harry and Ron meet up with Hermione in the common room after Harry had finished his shower, dried off, and got dressed in the clothes Ron had grabbed for him, thankful that they were the clothes he had been looking for earlier. "Hey Harry… What took you two so long?"

"Sorry Herm, Harry learned some… interesting news he didn't know before. He had to take a shower to clear his mind, you know."

Hermione nodded in understanding, still looking slightly confused _'What could he have learned… did he learn it last night… maybe something about Voldemort.'_ Harry heard her think. "Where were you last night Harry? Ron said you weren't in the boy's dorm last night and you weren't in the commons room. Did something happen?"

Remembering Alex again he told his friends what had happened last night with him, leaving out the last bit that was personal. "So what do you guys think?"

"I don't know Harry; you think he's just trying to get through you to get to Dumbledore?" Ron asked

For some reason the thought of Alex using him it kind of bothered him slightly. "Maybe… but I don't know, he genuinely seemed like he needed help. If he does I can't leave him under Voldemort's control. It wouldn't be right and I'm not fighting Voldemort to keep myself safe, I'm doing it for everyone. You guys wouldn't be my friends; I wouldn't even be here in Gryffindor if I left people to their doom just to protect myself. I would be in Slytherin if I did that."

Hermione nodded, "I'll ask around about him and find out all I can, I hope your right Harry."

"Hermione, have some faith in him will you, I mean look at what he's done so far… Besides, I've got your back mate, you just worry about your front and I'll get the cowards that attack you from behind." Ron said with a smile.

Harry just smiled at them; they really were the best mates a guy could ask for. "I don't know about you but I'm starved."

"Well of course you are you didn't touch anything last night. You are going to have at least a plateful of something alright." Hermione said, her eye's flashing like a mother hen's does to her young.

As they walked to the Great Hall they had neutral conversation, mostly about Quidditch which left Hermione to stair and say random parts in the conversation and how it was not actually that interesting. Harry and Ron just ignored what she said and continued their Quidditch talk, correcting her if she tried to say a move of the game, normally mispronouncing it.

As they entered the Great Hall they all walked to the Gryffindor table, the Quidditch talk still going. _'Good morning Harry,'_ came a thought into his head as he was in mid sentence. He was pleased when he recognized it was Alex, and pleased with himself that he didn't miss a beat of what he was saying to Ron and Hermione. As Harry sat down he saw him sitting over at the Slytherin table talking with Blaise and Draco about something that, if you judged from Draco's facial expression, was incredibly boring.

'_Good morning Alex… Look, we need to talk about last night.' _Harry sent back. If he wasn't imagining it he could have sworn he saw Alex's eyes glance toward him then back to Blaise who was talking.

'_What's the matter Harry? Look I'm sorry that I suddenly did what I did it just seemed to happen and my body was out of my control.'_

'_What about your thoughts?' _He could feel the slight blush in Alex's mind, but when he looked over to him his face was neutral. _'You still there?' _Harry asked as he piled a plate full of food so he could act like he was eating and get out of the verbal conversation he was having.

'…_Unfortunately yes. Look, I'm sorry about it, it's just that I am attracted to you and with how you reacted to my advances—'_

'_Look, I honestly didn't want to, it was like I couldn't control my body… I don't want to hurt you but I have no feelings, there is no attraction, and I'm not gay.'_

'_Then your bi, whatever. Look, I came to you for help, not a shag or a relationship, I can get one if I want one, but you don't have to act so fucking high and mighty.'_

'_Whose acting high and mighty!?' _Harry thanked McGonagall as she handed him his schedule.

"So do we still have the same classes?" Ron said as he looked at his schedule then to Harry.

"I've got double potions." Harry said, sounding as if he were about to walk to his death.

"Sorry mate," Ron said with a sympathetic smile, "I got double charms."

"So do I," Hermione broke into the conversation.

Harry smiled as he watched them have a conversation, or rather argument, over "help" in the classes they have together. They were his good friends… did they think he was high and mighty?

Harry stood up, losing his appetite when he thought about himself and if people thought he was high and mighty, plus he had the joy of having a double potion class alone. "Well I'll see you guys later, lunch I guess."

"Aren't you going to eat any more Harry?" Hermione asked, eyeing the plate of food he had barely touched.

"With potions coming up next? Maybe if I get there early I can get a good seat, way in the back and Snape won't pick on me and be a prick."

"Good luck with that then." Ron said he still had the sympathetic smile in place.

"Yeah, see you guys later." With that he walked out of the Great Hall.

As he was walking to the double doors he took a quick glance over at the Slytherin table to see Alex, Blaise, and Malfoy still talking. He hoped he didn't have class with Malfoy, the other two were fine but as long as he didn't have a class with Malfoy alone he'd be fine. Turning his head forward again he continued walking and left the Great Hall. Instead of going to the dungeons like he had told Hermione and Ron he headed to the boys bathroom so he could take one of the tablets Madam Pomfrey had given him for his elbow.

_**XxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxX – XxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxX - XxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxX**_

Making his way to the dungeon was uneventful and quiet, so quiet he had sunken back into his thoughts that consisted around Sirius, Alex, and whether or not people thought him to be 'high and mighty'. By the time he reached the dungeons there was already a group of students gathered around and waiting for Professor Snape to show up and let them in. They were all just standing and talking and as he neared the group of students he saw a familiar head of blond hair. As he heaved a sigh, cursing every god he could think of for not hearing or answering his prayer of not being in a class alone with Malfoy, he was spotted by said Malfoy since he began to speak to him.

"Well look who it is, if it isn't scar head without his weasel or mudblood." He drawled, drawing attention from everyone else gathered there.

"Sod off Malfoy." Harry said, not wanting to get into a fight with him before they had potions since Snape favored Malfoy.

"Touchy as usual, eh scar head?"

"Draco," Harry heard Alex hiss, "Professor Snape's coming, we can do something to him later." _'And no I'm not doing this to save you Potter, he actually is coming,' _Alex hissed into Harry's mind.

'_Still mad I see…' _Harry shot back at Alex then turning to see that Professor Snape was coming down the hall.

Draco gave a threatening look to Harry before he turned and greeted Professor Snape. When Snape arrived he looked at the gathered group waiting for him, and Harry did the same since he wanted to know if he knew anyone in the class. Harry noticed that Anthony Goldstein, Terry Boot, Hannah Abbott, Mandy Brocklehurst and a few others but none of them close enough to Harry to actually talk to as if they were friends. Everyone there was a mix of the houses but Harry seemed to be the only Gryffindor there… Harry had a feeling today wasn't going to be as good as he had hoped.

Snape opened the dungeon doors and allowed the students to file into the classroom and sit at their desks. Since Harry, Alex, Blaise, and Draco were the last ones into the class room Harry had to sit at the front with Alex, as Draco and Blaise sat together.

'_Keep up the front of hating me because I'm Slytherin Harry.'_ Alex sent to Harry. "This is the only space open Potter so not a word."

'_You're still upset aren't you…?'_ Harry sent back, not asking since he already knew. "Didn't even cross my mind to talk to a Slytherin." Harry pulled out his potions book, caldron, and the materials that were written on the board.

Harry was about to send something back to Alex but it was then Snape took the front and Harry didn't want him to know he learned how to communicate or even use Occlumency or that he was talking to a Slytherin, so he stayed silent as a hush went over the class. "I see a few students in here that I did not expect to see in here." Snape said looking directly at Harry when he finished the sentence. "However, this is a class for students who scored the highest on their O.W.L.s and wish to pursue the fine art of Potion making. That being the case the potions will be far more dangerous then they have been in the past years so there will be more rules that you are to follow to ensure yours and the others in the class's safety. I do not want to see poor potion making in this class or you will be punished for how poorly you did. The rules are stricter and are to be followed exactly as they are or you will be punished. I will re-iterate the rules and then set the new ones into place for this class."

It took the entire first half of the class for Snape to finish laying the new and old rules down for the student's, glaring at a few who spoke, interrupting him in his tirade. There were a few times when he spoke a rule he would sneer at Harry, or in his general direction for a moment and then turn back to his lecture. The new rules for this year were by far stricter then the previous ones he had in place, and Harry found himself wondering if the potions they were doing this year were really as dangerous and deadly as Snape was making them out to be. "This is the finest art in wizardry and also the most dangerous. One mistake and it could become problematic if you do not know how to fix it yourself. I am here to teach you, not hold your hand through the class." Snape finished and turned to the board, "Pair with a partner; it does not need to be the person you are sitting with if you have no desire to work with them. However, after today you are to sit with them for the rest of the year since they will be your partner till the end."

As he finished Harry saw in the corner of his eye Alex instantly went to Blaise. "Hey, work with me?" Alex asked

Blaise smiled at him and nodded his head before Draco could even open his mouth to protest. "Well that's just wonderful; who am I supposed to work with?" Draco whined as the two of them began talking.

"Oh come on Draco, we need entertainment, why don't you pair with Harry." Blaise said a large grin on his face.

"WHAT! I refuse to partner with Potter!" Draco shouted, his fist's clenched since Blaise knew his secret.

"I would never partner with Malfoy." Harry said in his own defense.

"I said get a partner, I did not give you leave to speak freely." Snape said, shooting Harry a dirty look.

Lowering his voice he continued speaking to Blaise as people continued finding partners. "I refuse to, it is a disgrace to the Malfoy name if I even consider—"

"So there is something left to disgrace in the Malfoy name?" Harry interrupted.

Draco locked eyes with Harry, promising revenge for the comment he had just said. "There is honor in the Malfoy name, there always will be and you will never know what respect the name of Malfoy gets. I do not have to be the headmasters pet, or take extra lesson's to pass the O.W.L.s with top marks.

"No? Well you do have to be a teachers pet or daddy's little boy to get anything." Harry sent back, his voice laced with venom.

Draco's eyes turned murderous and Harry met them unflinching. "One day Potter, you'll get yours."

In the end, while they had been bickering, everyone had gotten into groups leaving them no choice but to pair up together. Draco was seething and Harry was livid when Snape had forced them to partner. Begrudgingly the boys submitted to Snape and partnered together. Draco refused to move from his seat so in the end Harry and Blaise had to pick up their things and switch places so they could sit with their partners.

As Harry got his things arranged, Draco refused to make eye contact, continuing to look forward as Snape put some instructions on the board with the wave of his wand. _'Oh, mother is going to hear about this.'_ Draco thought in out rage. He could hear Blaise snickering behind him, and he couldn't help but wonder if the fates were against him. Giving in to his curiousness he glanced over to his side, inconspicuously, to see how Harry was taking their partnership. He had to smirk since, not even seeing his whole face; he could tell that Harry was beyond less then pleased with this arrangement. He could guess what the reason was, not only was he partnered with him but he was also sitting in the front of the class.

Draco couldn't help but feel proud that he was at least making him suffer a little. Looking back to the board he realized the first potion they were going to be making was one that took a month to finish brewing. It was called Sirens Song, an extremely dangerous potion if done wrong, but if brewed correctly it was a potent muscle relaxant that just three drops would have effect on a giant within an hour. However, if brewed incorrectly or if you made it too strong the potion that would relax your muscles turns deadly; putting you into a great amount of pain as it slowly melts your muscles and then kills you. If Draco was right you die after a week and a half if you were lucky, but there had been cases where it lasted two months; it probably would have lasted longer had they not called it incurable and they killed themselves since they had gone mad from the pain.

After Snape had finished giving them directions on how to brew it and told them to follow the instructions on the board they began work. As they were working Harry and Draco continued to fight in whispers. "Potter, move over. I mean I know I look good but I'm not like that."

"Neither am I Malfoy. Though I have heard things that suggest you like to be both the male and female if you understand what I'm saying." Harry said picking up his fairy wings and crushing them into a powder.

"Oh really? Well you won't guess what I heard about you and Seamus, how you both like a good romp in the broom closet every now and again. Oh wait maybe that was you and the weasel you hang around with… Plus that mudblood, I hear she's pretty loose."

Harry's fists gripped tight and his teeth ground together. "You should know how loose people are I guess. I hear you back end isn't as tight as it used to be."

"Oh, so you've been checking around have you?"

As Harry was about to retort the potion began to make a hissing sound, taking both of them by surprise. "PAY ATTENTION TO YOUR POTION!" Snape yelled as Harry began cooling the potion. As Snape came up behind the two boys and examined the potion to see how bad it was. Narrowing his eyes he looked to Harry, "Fix it." he hissed.

Looking surprised Harry asked, "Me, sir?"

"Yes you, now fix it before I have to remove it, quickly before there is nothing you can do." Snape said as the potion began to change from brilliant silver to an aquatic blue color.

Thinking quickly, trying to remember what to do, he turned the heat back up ignoring Draco's words. Moving swiftly he poured the fairy wing powder he had just finished with into the cauldron and stirred it counter clockwise for three minutes. As it began to turn back to a brilliant silver Harry took four sweet beetles and dropped them in, in ten (10) second intervals. It softly hissed until the last beetle was dropped in then it silenced.

Looking back at Snape he found him looking slightly surprised, holding in his smirk he asked, "So, did I fix it?"

"Yes… you could have been quicker about it though. Taking your sweet time so you can fix it at the last second, per usual for the famous _Harry Potter_." Snape seethed, slightly annoyed since he didn't get to poke fun at Harry in front of the whole class. As he turned towards Malfoy he raised an eyebrow in question, then turned and walked away to harass the other students.

Draco was looking as though he had been slapped in the face with that one look Snape had given him. Looking at Harry he asked the question he couldn't figure out the answer to, "How did _you_ know what to do Potter?"

Shrugging his shoulders he answered truthfully, "I didn't, just went on instinct."

Draco looked at Harry, not really believing him. "You say that, but you looked as though you've done it before… Plus you didn't even look at the board for the next ingredient…" he stopped himself as the bell rang, signaling the end of the class.

"Clean your area's, and bring me what you have. I will be grading you on how you and your partners have done so far, and return it to you in the next class." Snape said, writing something on a piece of parchment.

As Harry bottled it and was about to take it to Snape, Draco grabbed it from his hands with a sneer. "You're a klutz and you'd probably drop it before you even got to him." Was his only excuse before he walked off to Snape and gave him the vile that held their potion.

As everyone was leaving Blaise walked up behind Harry and Draco, hanging onto them for support, with a smile he said, "Oh god, this class was murder Draco, I don't think I'm going to make it."

"Blaise, you idiot, get off. For crying out loud you are acting as though you were a child today… That girlfriend of yours isn't healthy for you."

"Is that cause I'm not acting like I have a stick up my ass anymore?" Blaise asked, sounding genuinely curious. When Draco didn't reply he continued, "Well Draco, it's not healthy to have a stick there all the time. I mean think about the splinters that you're bound to get. Maybe you should check how many you have by now and think about finally pulling that thing out."

Again Draco didn't say anything, just giving Blaise an annoyed look. Harry was beginning to feel uncomfortable, feeling as though they were being nice ever since he fixed the potion. As he was about to say something, actually turning towards them a little, Blaise actually collapsed on them. Since neither Harry nor Draco were expecting to suddenly have to support not only themselves and their stuff but Blaise and his things as well they collapsed under the weight. As Harry hit the ground, his elbow slamming against the hard dungeon floor, someone landed on top of him. Harry's eyes were shut as he tried to focus on not screaming out because of the pain, he tried to focus and figure out who had landed on him. They weren't that heavy really, and for some reason thinking about who it could be helped his elbow from not hurting so much. However, his heart jumped when he felt what he knew to be lips atop of his, and he wanted to know who it was. As their was a collective intake of breath the person on top of Harry shot up and practically jumped completely off Harry. As Harry struggled to get up, his arm throbbing again, he looked through pained eyes to who had been on him.

He felt like he was going to be sick… Draco Malfoy sat on the floor wiping his mouth clean of something that only he could see. His cheeks had a faint pink hue on them, hardly noticeable in this light, but Harry saw and could tell because he was frozen where he sat as he realized what had happened. Then he too began to wipe his mouth as vigorously as Draco. "Damnit Potter!" Malfoy yelled from beneath his hand.

Blaise stood in shock, gawking at the two of them, much like the rest of the class was. Draco stood, rage evident on his face before he strode out of the class. Blaise knew he was in trouble and would be in even more if he didn't follow Draco to where ever he was going to. He sighed, scratching his head and shrugging, he followed behind Draco, hoping he'd be able to catch him. As he walked out, Alex was right behind him to the door. When he reached it he turned, gave a look to Harry and was gone.

Harry just sat there, in shock. He didn't understand what the look Alex had given him before he left meant, but he really could have cared less at that moment. When he noticed the gathered crowd that had formed around him when they had first fell, his cheeks burned and he got up with his head bowed. Grabbing his things that had fallen from his grasp when he fell he quickly left the dungeon. Yes, today was going to be one of those days, he could already tell and wondered why Ron had even woken him up.

**End of Chapter four (4)**

**A/N:** Well I feel pleased with myself, the two aren't even dating or thinking about it and I already got them to give one another a quick peck on the lips. Albeit it was a funny way for it to happen but so a Harry/Draco bad luck thing don't you think? Anyway, this was a fun chapter to write and I hope you guys reading enjoyed it. Don't forget to give me some feed back when you can, I'd really enjoy it you know. Whether it is good, bad, or even just a "loved it" with nothing more it's still nice to hear you know. Have a fun time trying to think of where my mind is going!


	5. Chapter 5

_**Summary: **_Harry's sixth year at Hogwarts is filled with taunting dreams and dark secrets. Sirius' death fresh in his mind and bleeding in his heart, he finds his body taking the abuse for his pain as he blames himself. Harry Potter has fallen on hard times and this time he is not able to stand back up on his own, doesn't have the strength to stand back on his own. How will he ever be able to get back up, how will he ever find his strength again to continue to battle against Voldemort whose power is growing at a rapid rate? Plus what's with the new transfer student in Slytherin house following Harry around for? A beautiful new Defense Against the Dark Arts teacher has come to Hogwarts, but the question is will they make it through the year or do they have a secret agenda like all the others? Find out in the story _**Longing to be Found**_.

_**Disclaimer: **_I do not own Harry Potter and am making no profit off this story… Besides, I doubt if I did own Harry Potter I could make seven books or even if I did they wouldn't even be a third as good as they are. Plus there would be pairing changes, character personalities wouldn't be the same, and some would be so scared it wouldn't even be funny; defiantly would not have been a children's book. I _do_ however own the two OC's in this story and would greatly appreciate it if you did not copy them.

_**Warnings: **_DARK! Contains mature content and adult themes not suitable for young children, slash **(male/male relationships ****beyond**** friendship)**, non-con **(rape)**, strong language, PWP at times, self mutilation, self gratification **(masturbation)**, OOCness, AU…  
_**YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED!...**_

_Rated:__M/NC-17  
__Drama/Angst_

_**Longing to be Found…  
**__**By: TwilightKitsune1**_

**Chapter Five (5)  
****- Contemplation and Disgust -**

With the classes finally finished students littered the hallway and conversations were being held about no discernible subject in the thick mass. There was laughter, and there were shouts to other students further down the hall; some were running to unknown destinations, while others walked silently lost in their thoughts. However, Draco didn't hear them, didn't see them; his mind in a far away place. Yet, when there was a shriek of laughter that filled the air he felt his cheeks beginning to heat again. He bowed his head to hide his coming blush and his fist's clinched tight as he cursed Blaise and that damned Potter.

'_That damned Potter and his amazingly soft lips. Plus that firm chest I got to finally feel a little, and that thin blasted shirt that was amazingly soft… I think it was new too, since it actually fit him pretty well. With the school robe on it obstructed my perfect view of his back side, and if I'm not mistaken from what I did see his pants were new too. They were tight, form fit—_

'_Shit, what the hell was that!? This is Harry bloody Potter, MY rival since we started going to this school! Not only that, but he's the Dark Lord's number one enemy! Hated by all those that are loyal to the Dark Lord, and the only other person, besides that senile old fool Dumbledore, that stands in his way…'_

As his thought ended, Draco stopped unable to keep his body walking. Standing there, as people maneuvered around him, his mind was blank. He'd always known that Harry was one of the only things standing against the Dark Lord, but for some reason it seemed to finally be hitting him. Shaking his head slightly he walked to the nearest empty classroom to try and regain his Malfoy composure. Entering the room and closing the door behind him, he walked to the middle of the deserted classroom dropping his things onto the floor and collapsed into one of the seats near the front. He didn't understand why he had been so shaken when he thought about what everyone knew. Looking at his left forearm, where the dark mark is to go when he becomes of age he realized his body was trembling. He looked at his hands, holding them up in front of him, and wondered what had caused his body to start shaking. So lost in his musings he failed to hear the door open and close, or the footsteps that were coming towards him.

"Hey… Draco, you alright?" came Blaise's voice from behind him.

Fisting his hands and letting them drop he stayed facing the front of the classroom and lounged back in the seat as though nothing was wrong, "…You know I hate you now, right?" Draco said in a bored tone hoping it was enough to fool Blaise.

Laughing the 'Oh-I-figured' laugh Blaise moved into the room, softly placing his things on the floor and taking the seat beside Draco, "You know you don't mean that." When he received no reply he sighed and leaned back, "Okay, sure, maybe right now you do… you'll get over it though."

Finally turning to face Blaise, Draco gave his best 'I-hope-you-burn' look, and through clenched teeth said, "_Get over it_! God damnit Blaise, you had me _kiss_ Harry Potter! I'm sure you know him, the same Harry Potter that sent _my_ father to Azkaban, the same Harry Potter that faces the Dark Lord, the same Harry Potter that fights for that senile old fool called Dumbledore. Oh, maybe you've forgotten, here let me remind you, this is the _same _Harry Potter that has tormented me since I was small, before I even bloody well knew him!"

"Point taken… but Draco, you should know I didn't mean to. I know you Draco, and I've known you since we were born. We grew up together and we know everything there is to know about the other, so you should know me, and you two kissing was the _last_ thing I meant to happen."

Draco was furious at Blaise by this point, his words having not helped his rage, but for some reason it was no longer because of the kiss. "If you didn't mean to then why in the name of Salazar were you being friendly with him!? _What were you doing, what were you trying to accomplish?_"

"Honestly? Haven't got a clue." Blaise admitted a small smirk on his face.

Draco stared at Blaise dumbfounded, his mind now greatly confused and the rage he had been feeling just seconds ago was snuffed out by that one statement. How could he _not_ know why he did something if he was the one who had done it? In the many years that Draco had known Blaise he had always had a reason if he did something that made no sense, even if it didn't have any logical stand point he always had a reason behind it.

"So…" Blaise said pulling Draco from his musing, "Just curious, how was it? I mean you started turning red pretty quick… well, at least as red as your skin can turn."

"I did _not_! Malfoy men do not blush; it is a disgrace to the name Malfoy." Draco stated looking his usual arrogant look.

"Yeah, but you didn't answer the question." Blaise pointed out, a triumphant grin on his lips and a quizzical brow rose.

Draco huffed and looked forward crossing his arms over his chest. "It was horrible Blaise, you should know that."

Laughing outright, Blaise patted him on his shoulder before standing up and grabbing his bag. "Riiight, horrible. Guess that's why I saw one of you hands gripping his shirt, while the other rested on his chest. Plus that you only separated from him when you knew there was a crowd gawking at the two of you. I wonder if you would have pulled away so quickly had no one been around."

Draco lowered his head. Blaise was wrong, he had not pulled away so quickly due to the crowd, but they had caused the blush to appear on his checks. He had pulled back because he knew no matter what, the person he was kissing had been Harry Potter and there was no changing who the enemy was, even if Draco did feel for him greatly. They were on two very different sides, and one of them was facing death by the Dark Lords hands. "I hate you, you know that?" Draco mumbled as Blaise listened to him.

"I know you do Draco, I know."

Looking up at Blaise, his pain apparent slightly on his face, his pride pushing away the on coming of tears that threatened to spill out, "I really do hate you… because this is Potter, the boy who lived, the one person Voldemort wants to see dead above all else."

Blaise gave Draco a sympathetic look, "Well Draco, if it was anyone else do you think it would really be worth it? Plus think of how much fun you'll have." He finished with a smile.

Giving a silent chuckle he looked at the ceiling and whispered out with a tiered voice, "Right, fun." And continued to sit there, not ready to join the moving crowds that still littered the hallways deciding it was best to just sit there and try to destroy any and all feelings he had for Harry bloody Potter. It was better that way, it was better if he felt nothing for him because in the end he knew he would have to watch the fight between the light and dark and he knew if his father found out he had any weakness for Harry Potter, Lucius would snuff out any weak link; even if it was his own son, his own blood. It was better this way, if he felt nothing for Potter then Draco was safe, but there was something that was wrong with that thought process.

_**XxXxXxXxXxXxXxX – XxXxXxXx – With Harry - xXxXxXxX – XxXxXxXxXxXxXxX**_

As Harry finally left the dungeons he kept his eyes down cast not wanting to meet anyone's gaze. He knew that there was still a color to his checks, he could feel the slight raised tempter in them and wondered why he would be blushing because of that barest touch his lips had with Malfoy's. It made no sense in his head, it made no sense to him in the slightest, but that didn't stop the blush or the fast beating of his heart. He was a little shocked that he had lain there and took the contact from Draco, he had in fact, in the slightest amount, hardly noticeable, wanted to have more, wished it didn't end as soon as it had. Shaking his head he threw that thought out, that disgusting thought. It had to be because of what happened with Alex, no other reason then that. Yes, he could blame Alex for the way his body reacted, because just last night he had been lost in a moment of passion with Alex. _God, what's wrong with me!_ Harry thought in misery and flung out his injured arm.

The pain was quick and unforgiving. Harry squinted his eyes as he allowed the pain to shot through him, yes he was thankful he had rammed his elbow into the ground when he feel, it made the pain last so much longer. Harry bit his bottom lip; if he didn't let the arm mend properly then he was going to be in serious trouble when he started playing Quidditch. Harry pulled his arm back to his side, he would be more gentle with it, he needed it for something _he_ loved doing. Thinking for a moment he decided, maybe it was because he hit his arm on the hard dungeon floor that had stopped him from moving, stopped him from pushing Malfoy off, and stopped him from wanting to stop. Yes, it wasn't Alex, no not Alex, it was his blasted arm. He needed to take care of the bloody arm so these things wouldn't happen anymore.

Lost in his thoughts of why and who he stopped watching where he was going and failed to notice as someone rounded the corner and ran right into his injured arm. Harry's mind screamed in agony and he pushed back the small tears that wanted to form due to the pain, he took a sharp inhale and looked to find himself face to face with an apologetic looking Neville Longbottom. "Oh, I'm sorry Harry! I wasn't watching where I was going!" he said automatically, worried he had done something horrible by the intake of breath Harry had done after they bumped into each other.

Thankful the sudden onslaught of pain removed the burning on his face he was able to look at Neville with no worry, an understanding smile placed on his face, "It's okay Neville I wasn't looking where I was going either, don't worry so much."

Neville smiled thankful it wasn't only his fault but he did remember the sharp intake of breath Harry did when they bumped into one another, "Hey Harry, are you okay?"

"Er… Yeah?" Harry said slightly confused, then realized Neville may have notice the pain he had been in the moment they bumped into each other, "I just got a headache, I've been in double potions since this morning. Anyway I've got to go and start heading to charms, I'll see you later okay." And Harry quickly left Neville standing there confused but accepting.

As he walked through the crowd further down the hall he felt a penetration into his mind, _'What happened to your arm Harry?' _Alex's voice questioned in his mind.

'_Alex, where are you?'_ Harry questioned back slightly looking around him surprised. He could not see Alex; the mass was to thick and the faces of people walked by paying no head to him.

'_A little further up. So what happened to your arm, it looks like it really hurts.'_ Alex continued asking, not missing a beat.

Harry continued forward and finally spotted him, he was sitting in one of the arch ways to the court yard reading a thick book. His eyes not really moving as he finally smiled and closed the book and got up looking at his watch as though he was checking the time for his next class. _'Nothing just fell on it over the summer when I was practicing for Quidditch. What are you doing there anyway; I thought you were following Draco and Blaise?'_

'_I was but I lost them in the crowd and figured I'd wait for you. So what's your next class maybe we can go together?' _

'_Its charms and I really got to hurry or I'll be late for class.'_

'_Perfect,' _Harry heard Alex's voice purr in his mind and he could feel his skin heating and yearning for him once again. He wanted him, wanted to touch him, ravage him, and make him scream under him. _'Oh dear Potter, I thought you didn't want a repeat of last night, or have you changed you mind?'_

Harry narrowed his eyes and continued to walk, _'I'm human Alex, aren't I allowed to have thoughts?'_

'_Why yes you are Harry, but aren't I allowed to be interested in thoughts you have of me lying under you screaming your name?' _Harry ignored what he said, continuing on completely ignoring him as Alex fell into pace behind him. _'You know if we are late, or almost late, we might be able to sit next to one another.'_

'_That's nice, I'm going to class for class not to sit beside you and play footsie under the desk.' _Harry shot to Alex, now shoving him out of his mind and closing it to him.

As Harry continued walking he missed the furious glare Alex was giving him and the quick change in color of his eyes. However, as quick as the glare appeared and his eyes changed it was gone and he had his normal peaceful expression back on his face.

_**XxXxXxXxXxXxXxX – XxXxXxXx – After Charms - xXxXxXxX – XxXxXxXxXxXxXxX**_

As everyone was gathering there things Harry continued to sit there and stretched, his injured arm feeling slightly better then before but he dare not move it. He heard shuffling papers behind him but didn't need to turn to see who it was, he knew it was Alex. He could still feel the youth trying to break through his block on his mind that he had set up, he knew and for some reason enjoyed how he desperately clawed at it trying to get through. He couldn't stop the smirk the formed on his lips as he felt Alex give one last valiant shove before Harry opened it to him willingly. _'And what is it you so desperately want to talk about Alex.' _Harry purred out to Alex and felt as he shifted slightly caught off guard behind him.

'… _I'm surprised you feel that you can speak to me like that. Now why did you block me and how is your mental guard so strong?' _Alex questioned.

'_I trained for my block Alex, your forgetting who my enemy is.' _Harry mocked back, smirking at the goldfish motion he could see Alex's face doing if they had been conversing face to face. _'Besides I'm just imitating what you do when you're speaking with me.'_

Harry heard the snicker behind him, not in his mind, but the conversation continued, skipping over what had happened, _'Well Potter, what is on your agenda now seeing the time?'_

'_I'm off to the great hall Alex, meeting up with some friends of mine and then I'm off to Herbology.'_

'_What a coincidence that is exactly what I'm scheduled to do… Though perhaps we could skip the whole great hall and find an empty classroom?'_

Harry's hands stilled as he was picking up his things. What was wrong with him, at the mere thought of having Alex alone and in submission had him wanting. He wanted to have Alex, to claim him as his own; to mark him like no other has been marked by him, to have him under him and screaming for more. How he had desired it since there last moments of passion, how he had found him self fantasizing about it when he became bored in classes today. However, as his body began to tremble with wanting, with the great need to release, another emotion filled him; it was the same emotion that tormented him today, that emotion was disgust. His body stopped wanting, stopped needing a sexual release, now it needed a release of its stomach contents.

Harry felt sickened by the mere thought, by the mere image in his head he had been playing just moments ago in his mind. There was nothing he could do, not wanting to be sick in class, so he waved his wand and his things jumped into his bag, not orderly but did go in, and he rushed out of the class room leaving with it a confused looking Alex. He ran quicker then he thought possible this close to being sick, he ran hard, his legs shaking with his nausea. As he rounded the corner, knocking another student down roughly, he saw the boy's lavatory and ran outright to it. As he entered the stall he wasted no time pushing the toilet lid up and throwing his things down at the same time. The contents rushed out; there was no stopping it, no slowing it down. He felt as though his insides were on fire, slowly and painfully being pushed to the outside of his body to the vomit filled bowl under him.

As it finally stopped he gasped for the air his body had been denied and fell onto his rear. He leaned his head back slightly and looked to the roof as he used his sleeve to wipe off any spit that remained on his lips. He felt tears rising to his eyes, he felt as though he was lost, as though there was something missing and he had no way of finding it or getting to it. He felt as though there was something inside him trying to destroy him slowly, trying to make him fall so deep into nothingness there was no way he could get back up. He started shaking with fear of the unknown, wrapping his arm around himself he began to cry, letting the tears flow freely down his checks but held in the sobs. He wanted to just disappear, to leave this place and all that he had to do, to leave all his pain behind. He wanted to run to where Sirius had disappeared to and be with him away from all the pain and all the duties that had been placed onto his shoulders ever since he had been small. Now though he felt as though he was drowning in the pain of it all.

So lost in his thoughts of freedom from everything he didn't notice as his nails dug into his skin, biting and piercing through, blood droplets forming in the small crescent cuts his nails made. After a little while his body calmed of its shaking, his tears began to desist until all that was left were the trails left behind, and he was able to release himself from his tight grip. His strength was gone, he felt exhausted from all the pain he was feeling inside but he gripped the side of the stall and began the slow progression of rising to his feet. As he finally reached his standing position he felt his legs want to give out but was able to stay standing. Looking at the bowl of vomit he grimaced and quickly flushed it and left the stall. As he stood in front of the mirror he saw how his skin had lost all of its color and looked more ashen, how his eyes seemed to have lost their emerald green glow and seemed dead. Running the water he took a deep breath and submerged his face in as much water he could gather in his hands as he could. After doing this three to four times he stopped and just gripped the sink bowl and he watched the water run quickly out of the faucet and into the sink bowl before going down the drain.

A far off smile formed on his lips as he thought of distant thoughts. He was no longer in Hogwarts, no longer under so much pressure; he was lost in his own mind where there were no worries of the coming days, of the coming war. There was no longer a rush to get back to work, there was no longer a rush to get to life, and there was no longer a rush at all. Though the smile faded and he found himself still standing in the boys lavatory looking at the sink bowl as the water drained. Heaving a tiered sigh he grabbed a towel and wiped the water off his face. Drying his robes with a flick of his wand he picked his things up and began walking back to the great hall, he needed something to be placed in his stomach so his acid wouldn't eat anymore of his insides.

**End of Chapter five (5) **

**A/N: **Well that's that and now the chapters over… And yeah, it was a filler chapter. So, how'd it go?? I'm not sure when my next update will be unfortunately, but I will try to make it soon. I will continue to work on the story but I don't know when I'll be able to post anything. I also know that this chapter is shorter then the previously posted chapters but I hope that the quality did not suffer. I have much to do and little time to do it in; I hope to hear some feed back on this story and am anticipating hearing your comments.

Remember to R&R!


	6. Chapter 6

_**Summary: **_Harry's sixth year at Hogwarts is filled with taunting dreams and dark secrets. Sirius' death fresh in his mind and bleeding in his heart, he finds his body taking the abuse for his pain as he blames himself. Harry Potter has fallen on hard times and this time he is not able to stand back up on his own, doesn't have the strength to stand back on his own. How will he ever be able to get back up, how will he ever find his strength again to continue to battle against Voldemort whose power is growing at a rapid rate? Plus what's with the new transfer student in Slytherin house following Harry around for? A beautiful new Defense Against the Dark Arts teacher has come to Hogwarts, but the question is will they make it through the year or do they have a secret agenda like all the others? Find out in the story _**Longing to be Found**_.

_**Disclaimer: **_I do not own Harry Potter and am making no profit off this story… Besides, I doubt if I did own Harry Potter I could make seven books or even if I did they wouldn't even be a third as good as they are. Plus there would be pairing changes, character personalities wouldn't be the same, and some would be so scared it wouldn't even be funny; defiantly would not have been a children's book. I _do_ however own the two OC's in this story and would greatly appreciate it if you did not copy them.

_**Warnings: **_DARK! Contains mature content and adult themes not suitable for young children, slash **(male/male relationships ****beyond**** friendship)**, non-con **(rape)**, strong language, PWP at times, self mutilation, self gratification **(masturbation)**, OOCness, AU…  
_**YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED!...**_

_Rated:__M/NC-17  
__Drama/Angst_

_**Longing to be Found…  
**__**By: TwilightKitsune1**_

**Chapter Six (6)  
****- Destiny -**

_**XxXxXxXxXxXxXxX – XxXxXxXx – After classes in Great Hall - xXxXxXxX – XxXxXxXxXxXxXxX**_

Harry sat there as he listened absently to the mass of people talking about nothing he really cared to hear. He caught a few of the conversations about recent events, gossip that's already happened – the incident that happened between Draco and himself one of the top topics under discussion, and the classes the students had just finished today. He heard the clatter of the silverware scraping against a few plats, he heard the groans of satisfaction for the food, he watched as the ghosts floated by with forlorn looks on their faces. As he thought about nothing in particular, taking a swig of his pumpkin juice and then picking at a piece of bread –to worried of causing his stomach to become sick again from suddenly filling it with food- Ron's voice suddenly pulled him out of his stupor. "Hey mate, you doing okay? I heard what happened in the dungeons."

Harry grimaced and tried to not notice the swift movement Hermione had made beside him and the wince of pain the crossed Ron's face swiftly followed by sending an angry glare to Hermione. Sighing, "I'm doing better then I was I suppose… Not much of an appetite though." Harry admitted to his friends. "How were your classes?" he quickly asked changing the subject.

As Hermione was more then happy to oblige to this change of subject she went through the events of the day, the classes she and Ron shared before she and Harry had gone to Herbology, and brief thoughts on the lessons. As she went through the day step by step as though she had read it in a book and was reciting it for their entertainment, Ron finally spoke up in a small whisper when she had finished. "Hey, have you spoken with _him_ any? I heard you guys had potions, charms, and Herbology together."

Harry sat there for a moment, he had almost completely forgotten the main reason he and Alex were communicating in the first place. He needed to get in contact with Dumbledore and tell him about Alex and see what he says. "I'm going to try and speak with Dumbledore tonight; I'll try to get to him using the invisibility cloak."

Ron and Hermione looked at each other, worried glances passing between the two and then looked at Harry. "Do you want us to come with you mate, or maybe we could try to talk to Alex and see if we can find something out for you."

Harry shook his head to Ron's suggestion, "I don't want anything to happen, I mean he came to me and me alone. If he knew you two knew he may pull away or worse."

Ron looked to Hermione for support but she had the look of not being able to fight him on that, "But Harry maybe we could do it under cover, you know, try to buddy up with him or something." Ron tried again.

"One problem with that idea Ron, Alex is making no actual, visible sign of being chummy with Harry. He's doing covertly and if two of Harry's best friends begin to become chummy with a Slytherin what would you think if you were a Slytherin huh?" Hermione pointed out, but an idea came across her face, "However, it might not seem so strange if we seemed like we were joining the dark side."

Harry looked confused, Ron slightly taken aback, both thinking she had gone mad. "'Mione have you gone mad? I mean… Just think for a second what you're suggesting!" Ron said a slightly fearful look on his face, "I mean we are Harry's best mates, wouldn't it be obvious that it's a trick or something."

"Of course they would Ron, but if only one of use broke off then it might be believable. Though it is a big risk but it would be worth it don't you think?" Hermione argued back at Ron. Looking at Harry she continued, "This will of course have to wait until you get a chance to speak with Dumbledore and he knows what's going on but we can't let Alex in on it just in case. We'll see his real colors don't you think Harry."

Harry just stared at her in shock, "…You're meaning to be the one to infiltrate aren't you." Harry whispered in shock.

The tiniest of blushes came to her cheeks, "Yes, but I will have help, this isn't the first time this thought crossed my mind when I learned of Snape's spying for Dumbledore. There's nothing to worry about though I do have a connection."

Harry and Ron glanced at each other and then back to Hermione. "You've been meaning to do this then?"

Hermione nodded solemnly and looked Harry straight in the eyes, "I will need you to help me though, maybe even Dumbledore's. I need to learn Occlumency so I can at least block my thoughts."

"You mean if Alex really isn't being honest aren't you." Harry said blandly, his mind spinning. He wondered how long Hermione had been thinking up this crazy plan, infiltrating the Slytherins and he wondered who this connection was. He wanted to pierce through her mind, find out her plans, what she had in mind but she had a right to her privacy, it wasn't his place to walk through her mind just because he wanted to know something she wasn't saying. Shaking his head he didn't feel like fighting with her on an empty stomach so he grabbed a sandwich and took a large bite out of it, his stomach be damned.

_**XxXxXxXxXxXxXxX - XxXxXxXxXxXxXxX – XxXxXxXxXxXxXxX**_

Night had finally come to the castle, the sun's rays gone from the sky; replacing it a brilliant shinning moon instead. The night air clear of all clouds and was filled with its nightly chant that those in the castle had grown so used to it no longer bothered them. Owls flew in the air in and out of sight in the forbidden forest; creatures in the forest mewed, howled, or just chirped. There was sometimes the gentle sound of a swaying tree in the wind, its leaves rustling in the air. There was a faint scent of smoke that had come from Hagrid's hut before he had dowsed the fire and went to bed. Other then the nightly goings on of those that are nocturnal there was nothing a miss, no happening out of the ordinary.

However, there was a single student who silently snuck down the hall, invisible to any who would look at him or in his general direction. Hidden under his magical cloak Harry walked the halls, careful to avoid any spirits that may still be wondering the halls. He had to be quick to get to Dumbledore, had to be silent so not to get caught, also to be careful of any booby-traps that the castle had. When ever he passed a window where the moon shone brightly he would pause to check his map to make sure he was going straight to Dumbledore. When he reached the window again to look at his map Dumbledore had left his office and was now in an empty classroom just down the hall a little ways completely alone. Confused Harry shoved the parchment into his pocket and hurried down the hall and found himself standing in front of the empty classroom. Not worrying to be seen he reached his hand out from under the cloak, pulled the doors open, walked into the classroom and closed the door behind him.

As he turned to the front of the class he found Dumbledore there, next to the window in the front, just looking out into the night and his back to Harry. Sliding the cloak off himself he just looked at Dumbledore as he stood in front of him. He wore his wizard robes as he always did, his hand held behind his back; his right hand gripping his left wrist. He stood there, tall and proud looking, strong and capable of anything he wanted. As Harry looked at him he couldn't help but admire his headmaster that stood in front of him. "Harry, you wished to speak to me."

Harry jumped slightly; he had not been expecting Dumbledore to acknowledge his presence so soon. "I did," Harry said realizing, "but sir, how did you know?"

"My dear boy, I had noticed how you continued to glance at me in the great hall, how you and your friends spoke mostly amongst yourselves; while that is fine, also suspicious." He finally turned to Harry fully and smiled, his half moon spectacles sitting on his nose as his brilliant blue eyes shone even in the night. "So I waited till I knew you would seek me and decided to come to the closest deserted room near you so you would not miss much sleep." His hand gestured to an empty desk, "Let us sit and speak Harry, I expect this to be a long conversation and needing to be very secretive."

Harry nodded and went to sit at the desk Dumbledore had gestured to and as he sat, putting the invisibility cloak on the chair behind him; Dumbledore sealed the room so no sound could go out and no one could come in. When he had finished the incantation he moved to the chair opposite Harry. As he sat he placed his hands on the desk and looked expectantly at Harry. "Sir, there is a student I would like to ask you about."

"Would it be about the young Mister Alex Capper perhaps?" Dumbledore said.

Harry's eyes opened wider then he thought they would tonight and nodded, "Professor how did you know?"

"There are signs Harry, signs even I could have missed. I knew this regarded mister Capper from the moment you wished to speak to me. Had you not, that night the two of you almost shared in the Hallway outside of the Gryffindor tower would have concerned me."

Looking down to his lap Harry felt his cheeks heat up, he had not thought of that time since he had left the bathroom earlier that day. "I really didn't mean to let that happen Professor, I'm sorry I lost control of myself like that with him."

As Harry continued to feel ashamed of what had happened, silently yelling at himself, he missed the twinkle in Dumbledore's eyes. "Do not be too hard on yourself Harry. It is alright, I have known many a wizard that has lost control like that; it is not something you should be ashamed of."

Harry nodded his head and finally looked up, accepting Dumbledore's comfort and not yelling like his mind screamed to do. This was not the time, nor was it the place, there were matters that needed to be discussed and he needed to do them tonight. Determined to get all of the information out for Dumbledore to know he set to work, explaining everything that has happened thus far and all that he knew, he gave Dumbledore all the information he had and all the plans that have been formulated between he and his friends. When he had finished his rant he sat taking in air he had forgotten while explaining and waited for Dumbledore to speak, who seemed to be taking in all Harry had said.

"Does Miss Granger understand the dangers she would be placing herself in Harry? Though she is doing this for friendship, when she crosses to the dark side to gather information does she know what may happen to her, the dangers she may face and the choices she will be forced to make; accompanied of course with the actions she will have to take?" Dumbledore said after a while. Harry nodded his head, this was Hermione after all who thinks things through before doing anything; if she hadn't Harry had a feeling she would not have been willing to do this, or even offer it up as a suggestion. "If you believe she can handle this responsibility I shall assist her in learning Occlumency to guard herself."

Harry sat there for a moment, in the end Dumbledore was leaving it up to him. If he thought she was able to or not he would not argue Harry's decision. With out even reading his mind Harry knew Dumbledore was leaving the choice to trust her or not up to him; as though training him to make the choices a leader would need to make; like a general with his troops. In the end the question was, did Harry believe in Hermione enough to be able to go to the other side and return unscathed. The automatic answer was no, he knew Hermione may be tempted, may even be scared from this experience; did he trust her enough to return to them though, yes. Harry nodded his head feeling as though he had just sent his friend into mortal danger with that one single nod. "Hermione is a great witch and one of the smartest people I have ever met, I am sure she will make it through this alright." He said at Dumbledore's solemn look.

"If this is your decision I shall start training her straight away." Dumbledore said, as though he were falling in line and allowing Harry to lead in this way. "As for Alex, inform him I shall not meet with him for a week, we shall see his true colors with in this time perhaps, if not that should give us enough time to train Hermione, to strengthen her mind and plan how things should fall in this time. This shall be the pause in the battle so we can gather our strength; if Alex is a foe he will do what ever in his power to slow us down, if he is an ally he should allow us this time." As Harry was about to rise thinking the conversation over Dumbledore spoke again, "And Harry, you shall train as well with myself and Professor Lupin who is returning as an assistant teacher within the week."

"Sir?" Harry questioned.

"This is the time to strengthen ourselves Harry, do you not agree?" Dumbledore asked with a slight smile as he too rose from the seat.

"Yes sir, we'll do our best then." Harry agreed finally and picked up his cloak, "Is that all for tonight Professor?"

"Unless there is more to speak of then yes that is. We shall probably speak more through the week Harry, plans and thought's, you are now part of the Order."

"I—I am?" Harry asked as if not believing his ears. He was still under age but Dumbledore had just recruited him.

"You are Harry, I am sorry to say but it is time we begin to prepare to fight back, do you not agree."

"Of course Professor, I do."

"Now it is late and you are still a student, off to bed."

Harry nodded and threw the invisibility cloak over himself as he followed Dumbledore out of the empty room after he had dispelled his enchantment; plans had been laid and the course was set; the wheels of destiny were now in motion and there was nothing that could stop them as they turned; the fates of many were being decided. It was time; the war was now beginning to heat up and childhood was being left behind.

**End Chapter Six (6)**

**A/N: **huh, is it me or are my chapters getting shorter, hopefully the next one will be longer and filled with more story and less filler. Again I hope my quality didn't go away. There are a few things that are going on here on my side of the world that may hinder me from writing or updating, but I want to know how the story is going. Send me some comments, those from _**Riker15**_, _**Windlg**_, and _**DarkWing0 **_were very kind and made me want to update more. Now if I could get some more reviews/comments on my story I will be more then happy to update quicker then I might. Trust me, hearing that people like my stories makes me want to write more. Looking forward to anything you send, and thanks for reading _**Longing to be Found**_! R&R!!


	7. Chapter 7

_**Summary: **_Harry's sixth year at Hogwarts is filled with taunting dreams and dark secrets. Sirius' death fresh in his mind and bleeding in his heart, he finds his body taking the abuse for his pain as he blames himself. Harry Potter has fallen on hard times and this time he is not able to stand back up on his own, doesn't have the strength to stand back on his own. How will he ever be able to get back up, how will he ever find his strength again to continue to battle against Voldemort whose power is growing at a rapid rate? Plus what's with the new transfer student in Slytherin house following Harry around for? A beautiful new Defense Against the Dark Arts teacher has come to Hogwarts, but the question is will they make it through the year or do they have a secret agenda like all the others? Find out in the story _**Longing to be Found**_.

_**Disclaimer: **_I do not own Harry Potter and am making no profit off this story… Besides, I doubt if I did own Harry Potter I could make seven books or even if I did they wouldn't even be a third as good as they are. Plus there would be pairing changes, character personalities wouldn't be the same, and some would be so scared it wouldn't even be funny; defiantly would not have been a children's book. I _do_ however own the two OC's in this story and would greatly appreciate it if you did not copy them.

_**Warnings: **_DARK! Contains mature content and adult themes not suitable for young children, slash **(male/male relationships ****beyond**** friendship)**, non-con **(rape)**, strong language, PWP at times, self mutilation, self gratification **(masturbation)**, OOCness, AU…  
_**YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED!...**_

_Rated:__M/NC-17  
__Drama/Angst_

_**Longing to be Found…  
**__**By: TwilightKitsune1**_

**Chapter Seven (7)  
****- ****Piercing****Through**** -**

The days seemed to be passing far quicker then they used to and as the week was coming to a close Harry found himself already behind in some of his work. However he was not to worried about this since most of the assignments he was behind in were not due until next week, though with Hermione breathing down his neck to keep working on his work and the nightly training sessions that both Hermione and he had with Dumbledore Harry felt like he was already stretching himself thin with this. He sighed heavily as he stretched where he sat in the library trying to finish his charms assignment, he could only imagine how tiered he will be when Quidditch practice starts up again. The library was near deserted since many students weren't having a problem doing their class work, so Harry was slightly glad he didn't have to work around a group of students the would probably be talking in hushed voices as though they were making some conspiracy plan.

"Hey, Hermione, do have any charm notes on you, I forgot mine in the common room." Harry asked as Hermione closed the book in front of her and was reaching for another that she had brought over with her.

"I don't believe it Harry, I talk you into coming down here so we can finish our work loads and you forgot to bring your notes?" Hermione said a sharp tone in her voice as she looked at Harry.

Giving her an apologetic grin he shrugged his shoulders, "Sorry 'Mione I'm just not all here."

Hermione sighed and reached for her bag pulling out some parchment, "You're lucky I can understand that… I've been wondering though, has Alex tried to talk to you again about meeting with Dumbledore?" she whispered making sure no one heard her as she handed the parchment over to Harry.

"Thanks." he said as he took the parchment from her. '_He's not said a word to me, though his thoughts are always there Hermione.'_ Harry sent into her mind as he read through the parchment and jotted down some things onto his own parchment. '_Remember Hermione, we can't talk about that allowed just incase someone hears us. Besides it's much easier just to do this.'_ Harry said as he began working even further into his assignment. "I need to go grab a book, I'll be right back." Harry said standing up and placing his quill down.

As he was looking on the shelves for the right book he failed to notice the person who came up behind him until it was too late to try and get away. '_Harry, I've been looking for you.'_ Came the voice of the person he had just been talking about.

Jumping slightly he turned around and somehow found himself pinned against the wall, bookshelf, and Alex. '_H-hey Alex, what's up?'_ Harry asked, ignoring the uneasy feeling growing in his stomach. He ignored that easily, along with the fact that he was in a deserted part of the library, there wasn't anything to worry about.

'_I was looking for you. You've been seeming more and more tiered these days, I was wondering if there was anything wrong, or maybe something I could help with?'_ Alex's voice purred as he moved closer to Harry, their bodies nearly flush together.

There was something wrong, Harry didn't feel right, he was stuck in a corner as Alex was so close to him he could smell him. It wasn't a bad scent though, not bad at all really. Harry was actually pretty sure he could have drowned in this scent that was Alex. His hands were shaky and seemed to have a mind of their own as they slowly, shakily, made their way up and found the cloth of Alex's robes. He felt like he was in a trance as he pulled the other body close to him finding warmth, yes it was so warm. Closing his eyes and leaning forward their lips meet in a frenzied way.

It was wonderful, the feel of this warmth that felt as though it were surrounding him in it, he was so exhausted from the days he'd been training, the endless sleepless nights where he found no peace. He had been forced to see his god father die many times recently, and not because he had lost himself there. No, it was because of Dumbledore,_ the old senile codger!_ Harry thought angrily. He hated the old fool sometimes, he, Harry, was strong but when he was around Dumbledore he felt like he was nothing more then a child playing make believe. As that warmth Alex had ignited in him turned to pure hate and rage he roughly pushed Alex, turning him so he was facing the wall and Harry was pinning him never breaking the kiss. As Alex's back hit the wall in a rough manner he gasped only to receive Harry's tongue pushing its way in causing Alex to moan into Harry's mouth.

It was Alex now who was clinging to Harry, his hand gripping Harry's robe at the side. One of Harry's hands slid up Alex's body and roughly gripped his hair pulling his head back a little giving Harry better access. This action made Alex make a mewing noise in the back of his throat and his body began to shudder as he felt Harry begin to move his hand down stopping at Alex's waist line. It was at that moment Harry began to realize what he was doing, who he was kissing so viciously. As he began to slightly release Alex it was at that time someone decided to walk around to this side of the shelf and it was the noise of books falling to the ground that made Harry finally pull away completely. His emerald green eyes filled with worry and fear were met with shock filled grey eyes.

Of course the person who had found them at that moment when Alex could barely stand and leaned on Harry for support and both their faces were covered in a slight blush had to have been Draco Malfoy, another bloody Slytherin.

"WHAT IS THE MEANING OF THIS!" came Draco's shocked, furious, scared? voice.

Harry just stood there as the panting Alex at his side regained his composure and tried to catch his breath so he could answer. As he was doing this they heard the librarian tell them to be quiet and not to make her come over, as Blaise sauntered over to Draco's side only to stop and go bug eyed at the spectacle.

Harry didn't know what to say, couldn't think of a way to get at least Alex out of this mess, should Voldemort find out. "I was curious is all, wanted to know what it was like kissing the famous Potter. Granted I didn't want just a peek though, I wanted more then that. Why? Does that bother you Draco?" came Alex's voice, slightly horse from the earlier assault.

"_Yes…No…_ It's just that its Potter is all! He is our dark lord's enemy you fool, should he know about this!" Draco drew off and Blaise just continued to look from Alex to Draco and back, there was unease in his eyes. As though there was something more to it, but Harry really didn't want to put two and two together right now.

"My point Draco, better to do it now while he's alive, won't be as good should he be dead." Alex said finally standing on his own and walking towards Draco. He smirked at him and leaned down to his ear to whisper something only meant for Draco's ears. When he finished the boy went pale, more then what he normally was, it was a sickly pale as though he had just been told something he really didn't want to hear. With that he straightened up and patted Draco on the shoulder before turning to Harry and then back walking out of the library.

Draco shock himself back to reality before looking to Harry again, a sneer on his face, "Disgusting." Was all he said as he too left the library, Blaise following right behind.

Harry stood there as Draco's words reverberated through his mind; to hear someone say what you have been thinking of yourself seemed to hurt, no matter who it's from. Harry felt his legs shaking and all he wanted to do was find Malfoy and punch him until the walls were colored with his blood. He wanted to find Alex and have him quartered just for what happened. He wanted to find Blaise and stab his eyes out with his wand. However, what he wanted to do most was get this pain to go away; though it would have to wait till tonight. Sufficing with gripping his hands tight into fist's he reared back and punched the wall, holding in a feral roar in his chest. After a moment, as he let the pain of the sudden impact subside, he pulled his hand back and inspected it closely. There were some lacerations on his hand around his knuckles, and blood was beginning to pool in the wounds, though it wasn't bad. His hands color had gotten a blotchy red color to it and pale bits here and there. Sighing he pulled his wand out and cast a quick healing spell on his hand so it didn't look bad but in truth it was throbbing. Looking back on the shelf he grabbed the book he had come over here for and walked back to the table where Hermione still sat, completely absorbed into her book.

_**XxXxXxXxXxXxXxX - XxXxXxXxXxXxXxX – XxXxXxXxXxXxXxX**_

As night finally came and classes were over many students could be found relaxing in their common rooms from the stress of the first week was now at an end, but there were two students that still worked on assignments not yet due. In the Gryffindor common room, off in the corner table, Harry and Hermione were just finishing the work for the next week. Giving a sigh of relief Harry sat his quill down and stretched with a loud yawn, all his joints popping from there lack of much movement today. As he finished his stretch he gave a pleased sigh, "That felt great!" he mumbled and, putting his elbow on the table and placing his head in his hand he just looked out the window relieved he was no longer behind in his school work.

"Are you tiered Harry?" Hermione asked as she finished putting her things away.

"A little but I'll be fine." Harry replied as he too began to put away his things.

Hermione gave him a worried look and bit at her lower lip, "Harry, if you're tiered, why don't you just skip training tonight?"

Stopping what he was doing he looked at Hermione, "No, I'm going Hermione. This isn't just about protecting our minds from anyone who can use Occlumency or even Alex, for me it's for when I fight Voldemort."

"Harry… Even if you master Occlumency, if you don't take care of both your mind AND body it won't matter in the end. Harry, you'll be vulnerable!"

Harry didn't say anything for a long time, just sat there in silence with Hermione for a moment. He couldn't bring himself to tell her the truth that if he didn't push himself he would be bleeding himself out for all that's been going on with Alex, along with those dreams that have started to plague him. He couldn't tell her that, she would only worry more so all he did was slip on a friendly smile and looked to her through false eyes, "Don't worry Hermione I'll be fine."

"Harry, ever since V-Voldemort was spotted at the Ministry of Magic last year and everyone knows he's alive, ever since the Death Eaters that were captured in the department of mysteries were thrown into Azkaban prison I've been worried. With Voldemort not making a move to free his followers and there haven't been any killings or strange disappearances all I tend to do now a days is sit on the edge and wait to see when something will happen… Harry, it's not just concern for you but also fear."

She didn't have to say anymore nor did he have to pierce through her mind to see what she meant, "Hermione… your parents are going to be fine and I'm not going to die with out a fight. That's why I need to push myself to learn this, so when the time does come to fight I stand a fighting chance and won't die."

Hermione could only look at Harry for a moment after he finished speaking. She looked down to her hands that lay clasped in her lap as the words continued to reverberate through her mind. "Just for victory… right Harry?" she whispered still not looking back up to Harry.

"Right." was all Harry could say as he picked up his bag he decided to give her some time alone. "I'm going to go ahead, I'll see you there?" he asked, only leaving to his dorm room when he saw Hermione nod, as he walked up the stairs he turned to the noise of a chair scraping the floor a saw Hermione get up and begin to head up to her dorm room as well. He did not fail to notice the tears that were beginning to bud in her eyes either. Perhaps later he would talk Ron into going to talk to her sometime to try and calm her down, speaking of which he might as well go tell Ron he's going to train now so he wouldn't go looking for Harry later on.

_**XxXxX—XxXxX—XxXxX**_

Walking into the familiar office of the headmaster Harry stood for a bit just looking about him, though he has been here many nights now he still found himself in awe, just like when he had first seen the office; his eyes bouncing around examining the room, looking to see if there was anything new or changed. It was still a large beautiful and circular room, still filled with funny noises from the various contraptions around here. A number of silver instruments Harry didn't really understand or even know what they were still resided on spindle legged tables, whirring and puffing out puffs of smoke.

Walking closer to them to get a closer look, Harry recognized one or two of them as ones he broke last year when he had been trapped in the office after Sirius died. He ran his hand over them briefly wishing he could take back all the vicious words he had spoken and for all the damage he had caused due to his anger. Letting out a sigh his eyes finally moved away from the silver objects and started inspecting the sleeping portraits of the previous headmasters and headmistress of Hogwarts. Near the other wall of the room, away from the door, was a large claw footed desk that Harry had grown so used to seeing Dumbledore behind and waiting he was surprised to see him missing from it; though sitting on top of the desk proudly was the Gryffindor sword. Behind the desk on a shelf resided an old and tattered looking hat, Harry knew quit well that that hat was in fact the sorting hat.

Lost in his thoughts he was jostled out of them by the soft call of a phoenix, turning slightly he also caught the gentle sound of flapping wings. When he had full turned he saw Fawkes fly gently and smoothly to him and land on his shoulder. Fawkes stayed there for a while allowing Harry to pet him before casting one last call out before returning to his golden perch by the door. Smiling to himself Harry found he was slightly grateful that the office hadn't changed, this office seemed as though it was his constant in this changing world, and Dumbledore as unchanging as this room.

As Harry stood there, again lost in thought, he failed to notice Dumbledore come up to him from behind, "I see you've already arrived Harry, where is Miss Granger?"

"I figured I'd let her have some time alone and thought I'd get a head start tonight."

"Very well then, so you wish to start and not wait for Miss Granger?"

"I just thought Hermione would want some alone time, she's just been getting really stressed, and I just wanted to go ahead and start now that way we won't have to be at it most of tonight since Hermione was saying she was tiered. This way she won't have to be long and then go get some sleep." Harry lied smiling a fake smile, he wondered if Dumbledore could tell but he wasn't going to risk it.

"Very well then, let us begin." And with that, both pulled out their wands and faced each other.

_**XxXxX—thirty (30) minutes later—XxXxX**_

As Hermione ascended the spiral stairway to the headmaster's office, her eyes slightly blood shot and puffy looking; she came to a halt in front of the large doors. Taking one last breath to steady herself, she raised one shaky hand tentively towards the door knocker and halted all movement when she heard a large crash and grunt come from inside the room. Shocked to hear the sudden, painful sounding noise, she lowered her hand and pressed herself to the thick door so she could hear what had caused the noise or even words to hear the reason for the violent sound. Her eyes slid shut and her breathing steadied, coming to a near stop so she would be able to hear properly and not become distracted by any sound or rustle of robes.

"Harry are you alright?" came Dumbledore's voice, sounding as though he was moving across the room.

"Yes sir… I guess I just lost my footing or something." Harry's voice came from inside the room as he rose from where he had fallen; a shattering sound again came to Hermione's ears. "Sorry sir, I didn't mean—"

"It's quite alright Harry… Now care to guess how you moved from the middle of the room all the way to the wall?" Dumbledore questioned, Hermione's eyes went wide from hearing that.

"…m-my footing?" Harry answered feebly.

"…" Dumbledore said nothing.

"Sir?"

"It was your defense Harry. No matter how hard my magic pounded against your barrier it wouldn't budge. What threw you across the room was the shear force we were using. In the end you were thrown as your barrier stood strong." Dumbledore finished, pride and worry laced together in his voice.

"I understand… Sir can we try—"

"That is enough for right now; it is now Miss Granger's turn. You may come in now," Dumbledore called to her making Hermione jump.

Quickly Hermione grabbed hold of the door handle and pulled it open. Stepping into the office she found Harry, slightly leaning against a shelf, and Dumbledore stood between her and Harry. "I'm sorry sir, I didn't mean to eavesdrop on you two but… but there was a smash and—"

"Do not worry yourself Miss Granger; I knew you were there so there is no reason to apologize. Now if you would, please come in and close the door." Dumbledore said gesturing her into his office.

Nodding Hermione fully walked into the office, closing the door as she entered, "Have you two already begun practicing?"

Dumbledore only smiled to her as Harry walked, slightly unsteady, to an empty chair and picked up a half full glass of water and begun drinking it. Just looking at him as he sat there Hermione could tell he was pushing himself hard tonight. "We did, but Harry can only go so far with the exhaustion he has. Now Miss Granger, since you have arrived precisely at nine, are you prepared to begin?" Dumbledore said pulling Hermione's mind back to the task at hand.

"Yes sir," she said moving farther into the room and drawing her wand as she moved.

"Then let us begin." And with that Hermione faced Dumbledore.

_**XxXxX—hour and forty-five minutes later (1.45)—XxXxX**_

Hermione collapsed onto her knees on the floor, her breath coming out in pants; she was exhausted and her legs unable to hold her any longer. She sat there as she felt her muscles scream out, her body tempter was lower then normal but she could feel a flush on her face. "Are you alright Hermione?" Harry asked as he rushed to his friend's side, kneeling down beside her.

"F…fine… just a little tiered… is all." She stuttered out looking up to Harry. "I just need to rest a bit and I'll be fine," she finally said, a little stronger then before but still in a weak sounding voice.

"You should rest for a moment then Miss Granger, Harry if you would like we could continue from earlier or we can call it a night." Dumbledore said, "And I will be the one to guard against you this time if you wish to keep going."

Harry nodded, summoning a glass of water for Hermione before he stood up. "Thank you Harry." Hermione said before she started to drink the liquid greedily.

"Its fine, now you just rest a bit." Harry said smiling down at her before he turned his gaze to Dumbledore. "It's your turn to sit back and watch." Harry said pulling out his wand.

"You two should begin to practice wordless magic when you have any free time. When you master this with words we will begin to try wordless." Dumbledore said with a smile, "but that is neither here nor there."

Harry nodded his head; he wanted to try doing wordless magic since he knew if he didn't have to call any magic out it would be much safer for when he fought Voldemort. He would stand so much of a better chance against him then. Raising his wand he faced Dumbledore, the only person Voldemort feared, and begun to try and pierce through his mind. It wasn't as though this was the first time he had done this, wasn't the first time he had turned his wand on Dumbledore in his own office, and even though all of that he has yet to pierce the man's mind; though he was becoming better at guarding his mind against intruders.

"Legilimens!" Harry said feeling as his magic move through him, as though originating from his mind and moving out, down his arm, through his hands, and out his wand straight to Dumbledore. It felt as though it was a long rope stretching out to grab at the thoughts, memories, and feelings that lay in the old mans mind; but when it reached the old man it only bounced off the barrier he had erected.

Even though there was a barrier Harry continued the spell, refusing to relinquish his efforts to pierce through to Dumbledore's mind. However, as he continued his spell there was something inside him twisting and turning, as if waking up and trying to get out of the prison that held what ever it was. Harry could feel his magic shifting from strong to weak and then back again, but he paid it no mind and tried to ignore the feeling of something inside him wriggling into his mind. That was all there was before it happened, tossed into the background by someone who had been watching impatiently, he was no longer in control.

Hermione still sat on the ground, now an empty glass in her hands, as she continued to watch the two others in the room. She was really impressed by how much stronger Harry had gotten in the short amount of time they had been working with Dumbledore. She had grown up with him, the one to tell him of all the books that had been published about him, watched him in many classes so if he ever needed help she would be able to help, and she even helped with any relationship problems he had; though she had a feeling many of the issues had revolved around him hanging out and being such good friends with her. Though they had been together for so long it still took Hermione a moment to realize that there was something different about Harry, that something had changed almost as though he was no longer inside. Looking to Dumbledore she saw that he too had noticed this, he seemed confused and slightly worried. Worried for her friend she stood up on unsteady legs, she wondered what she could do, how she could help her friend.

'_My friend do you hear me? I need your help, please allow me, I swear you'll be fine.'_ Hermione heard Harry's voice reverberate in her mind, but he sounded different, as if older.

'_Harry? Yes of course I'll help, what do I need to do?'_

'_Just stand there.'_ Was all he said and she did.

It was a strange feeling, there was an amount of magic moving through her body that was not her own. In Hermione's opinion it felt like a warm breeze, just instead of going around her it ran through and within her. It wasn't painful at all; in fact it felt quite pleasant. She had been worried at first when it hit her but when she noticed it was coming from Harry her worry vanished; it was her friend's magic so she knew it wouldn't hurt her in anyway. It was around that moment that she saw flashes of memories that were not her own flash through her mind.

The magic that hit Dumbledore from off to the side was a surprise to say the least and all he could do in that instant was watch as his memories flashed through his mind. He closed his eyes in misery as he realized the memories he was seeing were not current but of the past. He hoped Harry would not think any less of him as they rushed through his mind, as one in particular ran through his mind.

Harry could not see what was going on, or hear what was happening, he could only feel his magic run through. It was strong magic though, the kind he only felt when he was furious, but he knew it was his magic somehow. Suddenly he was assaulted by visions, memories of a past that was not his, but he did know whose they were, "Dumbledore…" he mumbled.

They were like flashes though, moving so quickly they bleed together and the words were jumbled together and he did not know for sure what was said but he was able to catch words every now and again. There were so many memories, some filled with the same people, but there was a young man and a little girl that seemed to be center stage of most if not all the memories. The little girl had long shinning blond hair and empty blue eyes, but they weren't dull, they shinned with some inner light that was dampened by something. The young man seemed to always be smiling and have an attractive face through most of the memories; his hair was a golden color as well and seemed to have a halo on his head. Then it hit him, the blond man was resting, naked and sweaty, his chest rising and falling in a steady rhythm. A younger Dumbledore lay beside him, also naked and slightly less sweaty then the other; he was propped up on his elbow facing the man as his other hand stroked through the blonds hair. There was a serene look on Dumbledore's face and his smiling lips parted and said the word, "Angel" before both he and Dumbledore reacted. Sickened by the vision Harry cut the connection as Dumbledore threw up a barrier also cutting the connection. He was then thrust back in the fore ground as what ever had been in control was thrown back to where it came from inside him.

It was a strange sensation that filled Hermione; when Harry had cut the connection the feeling of a warm breeze began to slow and before it had fully exited Hermione Dumbledore cut his side of the connection as well. She felt as though she were being squeezed by the two separations almost simultaneously, her breath caught in her lungs as they froze and her heart rate speed up. When both ends reached her finally she felt as though she had been hit by a speeding car and her body was flung backwards by the sheer force.

"HERMIONE!" Harry yelled as he and Dumbledore ran to her side.

Dumbledore reached Hermione before Harry, who slid to a halt beside her and kneeled down, and checked her pulse. Harry could only kneel beside her and look to Dumbledore to hear what he says; he was scared and wondered what had happened. "Is she…"

"She's fine Harry." Dumbledore said as he released her wrist and lifted her up into the air in one fluid movement. "Wait here, we will talk when I return." and with that he swept out of his office with the unconscious Hermione in his hold.

Harry could just stand there not understanding a thing that had just happened and denying what he had seen. It confused and sickened him at the same time, he could feel his blood drain from his face and the contents of his stomach churn. He moved quickly to the ben next to Dumbledore's desk so not to get sick all over Dumbledore's office. As he crouched over the trash ben on his knees, his hands holding its sides, and looked down at his sick he felt the familiar prickling behind his eyes. There were two questions floating around in his mind at that moment: _Was Hermione okay_; and _was what he had seen really real_? It was so confusing; he could not even understand all of what had happened. Shaking his head he decided to just worry about Hermione for right now and confront Dumbledore about what he had seen later. Waving his wand over the ben to clean it of his sick mess he stood back up and straightened his robes before he began pacing the room.

_**Click, click, snore, wheeze**_he didn't know exactly how long he had been pacing Dumbledore's office or how long ago Dumbledore had left with Hermione in tow. He had hoped she was okay from whatever had happened and that Madam Pomfrey was able to heal her, but with the amount of time he had been waiting he began to wonder. Harry would pace and chew on his nail before his gaze would turn to the window in the office and he ran his hand through his hair frustrated before turning to the door and then beginning to pace again in regular intervals. As he walked passed a particularly loud sleeper he began to wonder if the portraits of the previous headmasters and headmistresses were really sleeping or if they were just faking it with all the noise that had happened earlier that night. Ever since the incident with Mr. Weasley last year and he had seen how they would fake sleep until they were needed, or just so they would not be caught eavesdropping.

Before Harry had become too lost in his musing's the door to the office swung open and Dumbledore entered, the doors swung shut behind him. He didn't spare Harry a word or even a glance as he walked over to his desk and begun writing something on a spare piece of parchment on his desk. To Harry it felt like Dumbledore had been writing for an eternity before he finished and folded it up and walked over to Fawkes, sending him away with it to some unknown destination.

"Sir?..." Harry spoke, unsure of what had happened or what was going on.

"That was a message to the Grangers, informing them of the situation." Dumbledore finally said still not facing Harry.

Worried, Harry gripped his hands into fists and continued to stand in his position, "What is the situation sir?"

"Hermione has been sent to St. Mungo's hospital due to the magical backlash she suffered… It is unknown if there will be any permanent damage, each case is different when it happens, we are just luck she didn't die due to this which can happen." Dumbledore said, turning to Harry and looking as though he was being pulled into some kind of nightmare he had already lived through. "Only time will tell if she will be able to recover." His eyes held a sorrow and remorse Harry didn't understand.

Harry felt himself go numb when Dumbledore finished, as though the worry he had been feeling had imploded in on him. All he felt now was shock and uncertainty, he had been thrust down a path he didn't know, plunging into something he didn't understand; he stood on the thresh hold of a war he wanted no part of. When he heard that Hermione may not live through what had happened or that there may be permanent damage because of him, the self hate and loathing rose to a new high.

Exhaustion and stress finally mingling together in his body they finally won the battle with him, and Harry fell into the dark oblivion of his nightmares.

**End Chapter Seven (7)**

**A/N: **Well that's the end of chapter seven, I hope you guys like it. I do apologize for how long it has taken me to post a new chapter but thankfully here it is. I was actually beginning to think even I wouldn't be able to post a new chapter since my life is taking so many turns and I'm hardly able to even sit down to think clearly anymore. I have placed another chapter story I have right now on hold, only re-writing chapters that have been posted due to the lack of inspiration to write anymore. I hope that this chapter pleases those of you still reading it and I hope by posting a new chapter even newer readers will come to find this story and hopefully enjoy it. I love working on this story precisely because unlike my other story this one plague's me and I ABSOLUTLY love Harry/Draco and the amount of fun I can have with this is unsurpassable. Please do not forget to leave a review for me, good, bad, even vague will suit me just fine; it lets me know that there is at least one person reading it and if it's nice gives me the jump go I need to continue to write for this story. Hopefully I'll be able to write more for you guys soon, in the mean time you can go back and re-read what has been posted so far since I have already gone back and fixed it up a bit, added new conversations and things hidden in words.

R&R!


	8. Chapter 8

_**Summary: **_Harry's sixth year at Hogwarts is filled with taunting dreams and dark secrets. Sirius' death fresh in his mind and bleeding in his heart, he finds his body taking the abuse for his pain as he blames himself. Harry Potter has fallen on hard times and this time he is not able to stand back up on his own, doesn't have the strength to stand back on his own. How will he ever be able to get back up, how will he ever find his strength again to continue to battle against Voldemort whose power is growing at a rapid rate? Plus what's with the new transfer student in Slytherin house following Harry around for? A beautiful new Defense Against the Dark Arts teacher has come to Hogwarts, but the question is will they make it through the year or do they have a secret agenda like all the others? Find out in the story _**Longing to be Found**_.

_**Disclaimer: **_I do not own Harry Potter and am making no profit off this story… Besides, I doubt if I did own Harry Potter I could make seven books or even if I did they wouldn't even be a third as good as they are. Plus there would be pairing changes, character personalities wouldn't be the same, and some would be so scared it wouldn't even be funny; defiantly would not have been a children's book. I _do_ however own the two OC's in this story and would greatly appreciate it if you did not copy them.

_**Warnings: **_DARK! Contains mature content and adult themes not suitable for young children, slash **(male/male relationships ****beyond**** friendship)**, non-con **(rape)**, strong language, PWP at times, self mutilation, self gratification **(masturbation)**, OOCness, AU…  
_**YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED!...**_

_Rated:__M/NC-17  
__Drama/Angst_

_**Longing to be Found…  
**__**By: TwilightKitsune1**_

_**Chapter eight (8)  
**__**- Doubt -**_

Harry could feel himself beginning to wake up, his senses starting to re-awaken as his body was. He felt heavy, as though weighed down by some invisible force a top his body and his eyes were refusing to open even a little. He heard footsteps on the floor and mumbled voices a little ways away. He wondered slightly where he was, if he was still in the headmasters office or if he had been moved somewhere. As he lay there, half conscious and struggling to move or open his eyes, he heard a familiar voice to his left. Concentrating, he tried to hear and decipher who it was and what they were talking in such hushed voices about.

"But Madam Pomfrey, _why_ can't I see Harry?" Harry heard the voice whine and knew it was Ron's voice.

Harry heard Madam Pomfrey give an exasperated sigh before answering, "Like I have explained before many times to you Mr. Weasley, I am under strict orders not to allow anyone in to see Potter until the headmaster has spoken with him." She seemed to pause a moment before speaking again, "Now seeing the time I am sure you are late for a class… I am sorry but you should leave now Mr. Weasley."

Harry could feel Ron's frustration from where he lay, as if it were his own as he was turned away for how ever many times he has been trying to see Harry. Harry began to ponder about how long he had been here in the hospital wing laying in bed unconscious. He began to go over the events that lead to his inevitable collapse in Dumbledore's office. It was sudden but he recalled Hermione's form crumpling to the ground, he's worry for his friend as she lay there unconscious probably due to all the magic he had unintentionally thrown at her, and he also recalled Dumbledore's words: '_Hermione has been sent to St. Mungo's hospital due to the magical backlash she suffered… It is unknown if there will be any permanent damage, each case is different when it happens, we are just lucky she didn't die due to this which can happen… Only time will tell if she will be able to recover._'

Fear and worry for his friend flooded over him like someone had just hit him with a pail of ice cold water straight in the face. Urging his body to fully awaken, to move, to open his eyes, he called upon every ounce of strength he had left to struggle fully awake so to speak with Dumbledore about the situation with Hermione. As his eyes finally obliged their masters command and opened, at first the world seemed to have exploded into a world blurred with too much light and color swimming together causing his head to throb with its intensity, but slowly the world seemed to dull again and came into the normal blurry focus he had grown accustomed to all these years. Turning his head slightly from where he heard the voices earlier he found a small sitting table, and a curtain hiding his bed from view. Still struggling with his weight Harry slowly inched his way up to a sitting position and quickly skimmed his hand over the top of the sitting table. Thankfully the first thing his hand ran into was his glasses, so he slipped them on and moved his legs towards the edge of the bed. Since he probably would not be allowed to leave he would at least look for Madam Pomfrey to send word to Dumbledore he was awake.

As he inched himself slowly off the mattress he had been laying in, it protesting to its occupant's sudden movement, he slowly lowered his feet to the floor. As soon as his bare feet touched the chilled marble floor he shivered slightly but shook it off instantly. He shifted till he was full at the edge so he could get up and walk but had to stop for a moment to catch his breath having not moved in apparently a long time since his body was sluggish. His hands were shaking and his arms did not approve of how much work they had to do and just sitting there willing his legs to strengthen quickly he could feel his knees wobble with out even having any weight on them. As he sat there cursing his bodies unwillingness to move he heard someone walking quickly towards his bed and stop just as quick at his curtains.

Looking up Harry half expected to see Ron standing there having snuck past Madam Pomfrey, but his eyes only found a smiling Madam Pomfrey looking down at him. "Well, I'm glad you finally woke up Mister Potter. How are you feeling?" she asked walking towards him and placing a chilly hand on his head.

"Fine… just a little weak I suppose." Harry said as he closed his eyes to the ice cold feeling that seeped into his body from her hand, "How long have I been here?"

"A little over two weeks now." she replied as she pushed Harry gently back onto the bed, his body obliging her command readily as Harry grumped about its inability to listen to him so readily. As she adjusted his sheets she finally looked back to him with a stern look, "I want you to stay here Potter, I am going to send for the Headmaster now and he wishes to speak with you straight away. Understood?"

Harry nodded to her words but before she could disappear behind the curtains Harry decided to ask, "Madam Pomfrey how's Hermione?"

Not turning to face Harry he heard her clear her throat before answering his question, "You're going to have to ask the Headmaster that Potter, I'm not sure myself… Though I believe she is okay. Now wait here and the Headmaster will be here momentarily." And with that she was gone.

Harry laid there for a moment as he processed the information he had, or rather the lack there of. He now at least understood why his body was so uncooperative since he had been laying here in the hospital wing for so long. He wondered what was going on with Hermione and if she was okay, though knowing her when she finally is able to return to school she will be upset about all the work and classes she's missed. Smiling at the thought it took Harry a moment to notice sparkling blue eyes looking at him through half moon spectacles. "Professor Dumbledore!" Harry cried in surprise and sat up.

"Harry, its fine, you can relax." Dumbledore said kindly with a soft smile on his lips as he softly pushed Harry back down with a hand on his shoulder. "How are you feeling?"

"Kind of weak is all," Harry admitted to the Headmaster as he sat at the end of Harry's bed. "How's Hermione professor?"

Dumbledore placed his hand on Harry's leg in a reassuring motion, "She is doing well, and currently she is back at headquarters. Plans have been changed while you have been here Harry."

"What do you mean, sir?" Harry asked still not understanding the situation, "Why isn't Hermione back at school?"

"Because not being here she is freer to expand her magic." Dumbledore stated simply.

Harry still didn't understand, why was Hermione not back at school, why was he stuck here and receiving absolutely no visitors, and what plans had been changed while he lay here sleeping. "I don't understand." Harry admitted in defeat.

Dumbledore just smiled and shook his head, "I can't explain it all here, but I am able to tell you the rumor as to both of yours and Miss Granger's situation."

"What rumor?"

"The rumor that Hermione has turned against you and attacked." Dumbledore stated simply. "When that happened you attacked only in defense of your life and the fight took a lot out of you sending you to the hospital wing and Miss Granger to St. Mungo's."

Harry could only stair at Dumbledore in disbelief, not really understanding how anyone could even believe that rumor. "How—"

"We will speak about this later Harry, in my office, for right now you will need to make an appearance in your Defense Against the Dark Arts class. Do not speak to anyone about the rumor or what really happened." Dumbledore said standing up and beginning to leave. Stopping he turned on his heel and walked to Harry, "you are not to speak of this even with Mr. Weasley."

"What?" Harry asked sitting upright in protest as his strength returned at those words, "Why professor?"

"Because Mr. Weasley does not know Occlumency and teaching him that now would cause an eyebrow to be raised." Dumbledore stated with a sympathetic smile. "We will later but for now it has to be like this."

Harry felt upset since he would have to keep Ron in the dark on this but they had already come so far and finally they have Hermione in a position to be accepted into the Slytherins. Sighing heavily he nodded to Dumbledore, "Alright, but later we can tell him right?"

"Yes." Dumbledore reassured Harry, "Don't forget to get your work that you've missed while you've been here." And with that he was gone.

Throwing the sheets aside Harry began to push himself off the mattress again; he couldn't stay in bed any longer knowing he'd been here for so long. He understood less then he did earlier and the thought of the rumor that was spreading around made him feel slightly sick thinking people would actually believe something so ludicrous. As his feet hit the floor once again he shivered only slightly as he quickly pushed the rest of the way off. He stood there for a moment, his legs shaking only slightly before his strength returned to them and he stood there. Looking back at the side table that had held his glasses he saw his wand that had been there as well. Grasping it in his hand he felt a surge of power, of strength rekindlelled, he felt whole again as though when he had been with out his wand he had been torn in two. As quick as the feeling came it was gone again, but his strength remained, washing over him like a current.

Standing up he flicked his wand changing his clothes from what had been placed on him when he was brought here to tight denim black pants and a loose fitting dark blue tee-shirt. Running a tiered hand through his hair and pulled on his cloak that was sitting on a chair at the foot of the bed he had occupied. After fully dressing he scanned around the room a moment to see if he had left anything, heaving a tiered sigh he turned and headed for the exit. He needed to go to his dorm room and get his books before heading to class and hopeful that as he did so his thoughts would fall into place as well.

As Harry walked the deserted hallways he felt guilty for having to hide what was going on from Ron. He actually wondered what he would tell Ron because Harry was sure Ron would ask what happened. He sighed to himself as he walked into the Gryffindor common room. He was thankful most students were in their lesson's, except of course for the older students who had free period; there were five of them still sitting in the common room and when they noticed it was Harry that had just entered they all stopped what they were doing and starred at him as he went up stairs towards the sixth years dorms. Before the door had even closed behind him fully Harry heard hushed voices talking quickly; it was obvious that they were talking about him and this damned rumor that was going around.

Harry quickly gathered his books and what notes he had from all of his classes he'd been to so far, he was going to probably head to the library when he finished his Dark Arts class and wait till it closed before heading to Dumbledore. Thinking of this he went to his trunk and opened it, pulling out his invisibility he shoved it into the bottom of his bag. It wouldn't do if he got caught in the hallways by anyone either before or after speaking with Dumbledore. As he finished gathering his things, as well as all the work he had finished thus far, he left the room. As he walked across the dorm room he ignored one seventh year that had obviously gathered up his courage while Harry had been up stairs, and rushed out of the portrait hole. As soon as he was outside of Gryffindor tower he quickly made his ways down the halls, not wanting to get cornered by anyone else wanting to know about what had happened between Hermione and himself.

As he entered the deserted hallways again his feet moved quicker then they had before, wanting to get to his first Defense Against the Dark Arts class for the year. As his foot steps echoed in the hall sounding loud in his ears, the eyes of some of the portraits followed him, their gazes questioning. He didn't pay attention to this though, trying to distract himself about how the new teacher would fair this year. It took him a while to realize someone was chasing and calling after him, "Harry!"

Turning and deciding to quickly excuse himself from the conversation he saw the last remaining Gryffindor Quidditch player from his first year coming towards him. "Hey Katie, what is it?" he asked as soon as she reached him, "Can this wait I'm going to be late for my Dark Arts class?"

"Sorry, it won't take long; besides I'm sure Professor McKnight won't care if you're a little late for her lesson since you just got out of the hospital wing." She said with a smile, "I was just wondering when you were going to start holding Quidditch try outs this year?"

"Oh right, I'll probably be holding them pretty soon, with in the week probably. You shouldn't worry though, your going to be on the team anyway."

"What! Harry don't play favorites; if you do there is a strong possibility you'd miss a great player. Just because I've been on the team with you since you started doesn't mean I'm the best we have. You can't choose some one because of seniority or just because they're your friends, it's got to be because of talent and skill." Katie lectured looking slightly scandalized.

Harry smiled and nodded, she really was a talented Quidditch player but he knew she was right on this point, "Alright you win, but I'm sure you'll make it. I mean you are a great player and cooperate great with the other members. You have a great skill and you've got a wicked awesome talent." Harry complimented.

Katie blushed at Harry's words, "Thanks Harry."

"Hey it's the truth." Harry said honestly then thought for a moment, "So have you already had a lesson with the new Professor?"

"You mean Professor McKnight?" She asked, and with Harry's nod she answered, "Yeah."

"Is she any good or is she like Umbridge?"

"Oh she's great!" Katie answered, "She knows a lot, like Professor Lupin, who by the way is a teacher assistant since yesterday."

"Professor Lupin's back!"

"Yep, they both teach Defense against the Dark Arts… Hey Harry, can I ask you something?" Katie asked looking slightly uncomfortable.

Harry knew she was about to ask about the rumor and what had really happened, "Look I should probably get to class; I don't want to be too far behind… Thanks for reminding me about Quidditch try outs though."

"Oh hey no problem."

"See you later!" Harry said and with a nod he turned and left towards his class. He was happy Lupin was back but he was still curious about the new teacher, Professor McKnight. Thoughts of how 'great' Professor Moody had been went through his mind. '_Sure he was great, really knew his stuff about the dark arts; at least until he tried to kill me, used me to revive Lord Voldemort, and turned out to be a murdering psychopathic lunatic. Oh yeah, he was a five star, backstabbing, teacher. No really, he was great._' Harry thought bitterly.

As he stopped in front of the door he took a calming breath. He looked forward to seeing Lupin again, even though he probably was still not the same as he had once been. Even though he had never been told directly Harry knew Lupin blamed him for Sirius' death; Harry blamed himself for his death so he knew everyone else did too. He knew he was the reason; no one had to tell him that he was. As he thought this he closed his eyes in misery; he was the reason so many were in pain and suffering, he was the reason people died.

'_No your not._' A voice whispered in his mind causing Harry to snap his eyes open and go one alert.

'_Whose there!_' Harry questioned back in his mind.

There was no reply, no one was around; Harry was completely alone in the hallway. As he continued to survey the area he saw no one and became wary. Deciding it would do no good to just stand there he turned back to the door and quickly entered.

As soon as he entered the class room he sourly wished he had just skipped the class as everyone inside turned their eyes to him. He wondered how he didn't see this coming; he would never know how he had. "Ah, you're Harry I am guessing," The new Professor said with a smile.

She had obviously been in the midst of an explanation since she was standing in front of the class leaning against her desk with her arms crossed. Much like in the start of the year feast she wore a velvet witch's gown, though this one was a deep navy blue color, and was tight up until it reached her waist and then seemed to flow down to the ground. The sleeves of the gown were skin tight and the tops of it extended to the top of her hand and reached towards her middle finger while the bottom of the sleeves reached only enough to cover the heel of her hands before stopping. Her hair seemed to have gotten an even brighter red tent to it, though it was still a beautiful light brown color, and was done up in a tight ponytail. Throughout the ponytail Harry could see a few small braids running in it and there were some strands that hung loose from the ponytail and framed around her face. She raised one of her eyebrows to him and her ice blue eyes with flecks of green danced happily at him with a shadowed amusement.

"Yes," Harry said and closed the door behind him. "Sorry I'm late."

"No need to worry, no need to worry, next I'll hear you apologizing for being laid up in the hospital wing. I'm very pleased you decided to join us though; I've known some to skip a lesson if they could. Feigning illness or something to that respect," she said with a smile. Lifting her right hand from her left arm she gestured towards her left, Harry's eyes following it until he spotted Ron in the second row to her left. "Your friend has been insisting you would be here sooner or later and thus provided an empty chair during my lessons for you. If you would take your seat I shall continue." she said not really needing an answer.

Not needing to be told twice Harry quickly moved to his chair next to Ron and sat down on his friend's right.

Ron looked over to Harry with a smile and a blush on his ears, "Hey mate how—"

"All conversations can be held, all questions can wait until the end of our discussion and lesson. Oh and Harry if you would see me when class is over for your missing work." She finished with only a sideways glance to the two.

Harry nodded, so far she was kind and stern, much like Professor McGonagall. He couldn't tell if she was a good teacher or an infiltration from Voldemort, and he felt uneasy. There was something in her eyes he had never noticed, a cold scrutiny she gave to everyone, and her awareness of her surroundings was slightly scary and reminded him greatly of how Moody seemed to have eyes in the back of his head. Though no matter what he was always brought back to her eyes, they seemed so cold and distant, but at the same time warm and comforting; they were like Sirius' eyes in a way. What made him the most uneasy though was she felt as powerful as Dumbledore when he used magic, but she was just standing in front of the class with a smile playing on her lips.

Harry quickly withdrew his eyes from her, scared he would be sucked into their depths, and looked around the room curious as to who he had this lesson with and if he could find Lupin. As he looked around the room he noticed this was a mixed class, much as his potions class had been; students from all houses were in the class. He didn't know many people there, Ron the only one he would talk to on a regular basis, but he did spot Dean and Seamus near the back across the room. He also spotted one person he really wished he didn't have anymore classes with, Draco Malfoy. As he spotted him Malfoy caught his eye and their eyes locked, both glaring at the other, and Harry prayed to what ever god would hear him that he did not have a repeat of what happened in the dungeons.

"Alright now where was I?" Professor McKnight asked herself pulling Harry's attention back to the front and breaking the glare that he had with Malfoy, her eyes closed in thought. "Ah yes, defensive spells." She said and her eyes snapped open.

"I'm sure some of you have heard of the bubble charm yes?" a few students nodded their heads. "Good, now as all of you know there are a variety of attacks from multiple witches and wizards as well as from many creatures that roam our land. Now for the sake of argument who knows what has more of a variety?" she asked the class.

A Ravenclaw student raised his hand, unsure. "Yes mister… Micah?"

"Um, wizards and witches?" he answered obviously unsure of his answer.

"Well we do have multiple spells for multiple reasons but I am talking of attacks and sad to say creatures win out. Now do any of you know as to why?"

This time Draco raised his hand which caused a smile to spread across Professor McKnight's face, "Mister Draco?"

"Because there are so many in this world." Draco said matter of factly.

"Correct. Now because there are so many, some not even recorded yet, we have to take extra careful care when dealing with an unknown creature to avoid having ourselves in a very serious and potentially deadly situation." She stood from her desk and began to walk down the isles as she spoke, everyone's attention on her. "Now because there are so many it is hard to remember the correct method of protection at times when you have to think quickly to avoid death and this spell is generally the best bet you can have."

As she was walking a Hufflepuff student raised her hand in question, "Yes miss Tracy?"

"I was just wondering, the bubble charm, isn't that the spell you use when you go under water?"

"A good question. In a way yes, but that is an augment of this spell to hold oxygen inside while you dive to deep depths while this bubble charm will cover your whole body and protect you from external harm."

"I see… then Professor is it harder?"

"Only just miss Tracy, only just. Now you see this bubble charm the only thing that causes it to be difficult is that you _must_ stay focused and you can _not_ move your feet from the ground under any circumstances, other wise it will be as though you never cast the spell at all. Though another bothersome thing in my opinion is the fact it is so long winded." She said and a few students laughed at this. "Now does anyone know of any creature this spell would be fruitless against?"

This time Harry raised his hand, "Ah, Mister Harry, first day here and you think you have the answer, eh?"

"A Dementor would probably be one."

Professor McKnight smiled at him and nodded, "You are correct, I see now why this is one of your best subjects. Now do you know why this spell would be pointless?"

"Because a Dementor could probably just float right through it; the only spell that works on a Dementor in the Petronius spell which also takes a lot of your concentration." Harry answered wondering if that was right.

She winked at him and said, "Five points for Gryffindor, you are correct Harry."

Harry heard some of his house silently applaud the increase in points Harry had just afforded them as a few Slytherins sneered at them, mainly at Harry. "Now does anyone else know another creature this spell wouldn't work on?" Before Harry had time to think he heard her say, "Yes Mister Draco."

"Any one that has a big enough mouth to eat you whole." Draco said casually.

"Five points for Slytherin, you are correct. If you are up against a creature that can swallow you whole in one bite it will not help to have the spell in effect since it will easily gobble you up straight away. Now can any one else guess as to why it is so hard for one to stay concentrated on this spell?" she asked, "Miss Lavender?

"It's because you got something coming at you right?"

Professor McKnight laughed softly, her laughing sounding like the soft tingling of bells in Harry's ears, "In a way yes. Say your not up against a creature that's got magic, it's just a normal giant or troll, and he's swinging his massive club at you. Yes the club does not hit you, but that is not to say you don't feel the violent vibrations that at times if you're not careful can knock you right onto your arse, breaking your concentration and stand, and thus ending the spell. Generally this spell is used against low level magic or a sound thrashing you'll get from one upset creature; now can anyone guess as to why it's not a good idea to use this spell against strong spells?"

No one raised their hands causing the professor to raise an eyebrow to the class, "Oh really, none of you know?"

"Professor," Harry said as he raised his hand, he might as well try to give an answer.

"Yes Harry, go on give me your answer." The professor said sweeping towards him, her shoes clicking against the marble floor.

"The stronger the spell is, the more malice and ill will in it, the less likely it will be for a novice witch or wizard to block; I mean if you can feel the vibrations from a club beating at you there is a chance you can feel the spells assaults too. I mean this spell is probably stronger and varies for each person that cast's it depending on their magic."

Professor McKnight nodded her head, "Five more points for Gryffindor. Yes Harry that is exactly what I was getting to. If you are say a novice and you're going against some one who has not only more power then you but more practical use and skill, then this spell means nothing. A strong wizard or witch can easily cast strong leveled spells through this as though they were never there." As she finished saying this she moved back to the front of the class.

"Now the movement for casting this charm is slightly different then the normal swish and flick, though it is simple so long as you don't go crazy with it. I have seen a person be turned the opposite direction in a fight because they got too carried away and by doing so nearly got killed when he moved to right his mistake." She said with no hint of humor in her eyes, she was serious with what she said. "Now step one, take your wand and point it to the ground behind you." As she said this she had her wand in hand and showed them what she meant, pointing it to the ground behind her. "Step two, move the wand in an arc above your head to get it to the front of you," as she spoke she slowly moved her wand from pointing behind her, going above her head pointing at the ceiling, and ended it with pointing at the ground in front of her. "Once here it has to be pointing back at the ground, though this time in front of you. Now I want you all to get up and try it out yourselves."

Everyone pulled out their wands and stood up. Before Harry could even move away from his desk it jumped to the wall, with all the other desks, giving the students more space to do the exercise and leaving their chairs beside them so when she continued they could sit back down. Professor McKnight nodded her head and turned it slightly to her right, this caught Harry's eye. "Professor Lupin, if you would please assist me in this lesson I would greatly appreciate it."

Hearing Lupin's name, Harry's head shot around to stair at the darkened corner he had thought to be empty, but there sliding from a chair that was over there Professor Lupin stood up. "It would be my pleasure." He said with a curt nod.

He was in Harry's opinion; looking much better then he had this summer. His hair, though still having its regular grey's, seemed less shabby as it had been and there were less grey's then Harry had thought he'd have since new ones seemed to spring up every week while Harry saw him. Though he still wore his patched suit it wasn't wrinkled as though he never removed it when he slept. His skin, though not as healthy looking as Harry would have hoped, wasn't sallow looking anymore. He'd obviously been eating far more regularly then he had and sleeping regularly since Harry could hardly see the bags under his eyes. Harry could tell as Lupin made his way towards him and Ron that he wasn't drinking as regularly either since he wasn't staggering or baring the stench of strong alcohol. What made Harry smile with relief was that Lupin's eyes weren't dull; they held sorrow yes, but they had it, they weren't empty anymore.

Harry smiled up at Lupin when he stood next to Harry, "How are you feeling?" Lupin asked with genuine concern.

"Much better. So you're a teacher again, that's wicked!" Harry said to Lupin as Ron did an arc over his head with his wand, slowly.

"I'm a teachers assistant Harry, not a teacher." Lupin corrected him.

"Right, well it's still brilliant!" Harry said as he too began the movements Professor McKnight had shown them as she walked past. "So Dumbledore was able to get you a full time position on staff?"

"In a way," Lupin replied as he adjusted Ron's wand slightly. "We'll talk about this later though, alright?"

"Yeah, of course!" Harry said with a broad smile as Lupin nodded, giving a small smile to Harry, as he moved to assist other students.

As Lupin moved away Ron moved closer to Harry and under his breath asked, "So what do you think?"

"About what?" Harry asked, both still doing their wand movements.

"This Professor McKnight?"

"Ron, not here," Harry hissed as she continued to correct people a little ways away.

"Right, sorry mate… So how are you feeling?"

"Sick of people asking me that." Harry said with a sigh, he really wondered if people were going to be asking that to him all year. "Sorry Ron, it's just that I keep hearing someone ask me that same question every time I turn around, it's just getting a little repetitive is all."

"Right, I understand… So Harry can I ask you something else then?"

Harry smiled to himself, "Its Quidditch."

"What?" Ron asked, not understanding him.

"How I keep my body in shape, it's because of Quidditch."

Ron's ears blushed the same color as his hair and he shook his head, "No I wasn't going to ask that again."

Harry sighed, "I know…"

"Huh?"

"You want to know what happened to me and Hermione right?"

"Yeah." Ron said in a hushed voice and moved a little closer to Harry so he didn't miss anything Harry said.

Thinking for a moment Harry closed his eyes, he was torn. He wanted to tell Ron what was really going on and what really happened but they had gotten so far he knew he couldn't just throw it all away. "Sorry Ron, I… I'd rather not talk about it." Harry finally answered and looked to his friend.

"Oh… right… Yeah, don't worry about it, when you're ready right?"

Ron's hurt eyes hurt Harry worse then anything Voldemort, the Death Eaters, and his uncle combined could do to him. "Just do me a favor alright?"

"Yeah?"

"Be careful," Harry said not meeting his friend's eyes. He knew he had to; Hermione was doing her part so Harry knew he had to do his and plant the seeds of doubt. "You never know who you can trust."

"Oh… yeah right." Ron said. Harry heard his thoughts though, '_Oh god, Hermione switched sides!... I got to try and get her back!_' Harry smiled; Ron really was a true friend to those he cared for, steadfast to the end.

They continued the wand exercise for five more minutes before Professor McKnight called out an end to it as she moved back to the front of the class as Lupin took his seat in the front of the class off to Professor McKnight's right. "Very good, very good, now some of your are moving a bit slow but you all have the movement down packed I do believe. We'll now begin practicing the words for the spell; if you would all sit down I'll move your desks back to their proper spots."

As she finished everyone sat back in their seats and as soon as everyone was seated, with both her wand and hand moving in towards each other, the desks were back to their proper spots as though they hadn't been moved. "Alright, this spell is long winded I warn again and _must_ be spoken as your wand moves from pointing to the ground behind you to the ground in front of you, and it must be finished as it reaches its last point to pointing in front of you. The incantation is '_a malum terminus et terra_'. Please try saying it with out your wands, a few times to yourselves."

The room was suddenly filled with people trying out the words as Professor McKnight walked through, some stumbling over a pronunciation here or there, but when she caught them she corrected their mistake. "Remember the quicker you can say the spell the better because I can assure you if it is a time that this spell is needed your opponent, or opponents, will not wait for you to cast it. Trust me when I say if you are in battle no one in this life will wait for you to say a spell."

She continued to walk through the room for a few minutes before walking back up to the class and called them into silence. "Alright, now in our next lesson we will continue our study of deadly beasts and try out this spell that you have all learned today. I want you all to practice when you have time, have one of your friends cast a spell at you as you try it out, and when we next meet I will see your progress. Are there any questions?" she asked and when no one had any she smiled to them, "Then off you go, today's lesson is now over."

As everyone gathered their things Harry looked to Ron, "I'm going to be getting my work from the Professor's that I've missed and probably go to the library to work on it so people will be a little deterred to talking to me."

"Right." Ron said as he turned to Harry, his things already in his bag and smiled, "I can see how that's different from every other year." Ron joked.

"Yeah, but I can tell them to sod off or Madam Pince can, either way it'll at least be quieter." Harry said as he slung his bag onto his shoulder. He hoped going to the library to study would deter Ron from following him. Though he really did mean he would be doing missing work till the library closed, he was going to see Dumbledore to find out what the bloody hell was going on. "I'll be there till the library closes so I can get as much work as I can done."

"Yeah right, that's the real down fall for being unconscious in the hospital wing for two weeks. You better be careful mate, you're starting to sound like Hermione." He joked before realizing what he said. "Sorry," he whispered looking down obviously hoping he hadn't upset Harry.

"Its fine, look I'll head up to the dorm later on tonight, I'll see you later alright." Harry said then turned around and walked away from Ron and towards Professor McKnight who was talking with Lupin.

**End Chapter Eight (8)**

**A/N: **That's that for this chapter. I think it's a bit long and well, all over the place, but I guess it'll do for now. So what do you guys think? I have now officially introduced my other main OC, how is she? Oh, and Lupin's back and apparently looking better then he did this summer after Sirius' has been dead; huh I wonder what happened? Teehee, I know what happened but I'm not letting it out of the bag yet. As for the Quidditch I might as well tell you I'm not sure if it'll be very present in the story, I'll do the try outs for the team and maybe one game against Slytherin (who'd have guessed?) but so far that's all I have planed out.

Now as for the spell '_a malum terminus et terra_' it's just Latin meaning, 'limiting boundary and land from evil'. I am not that great with Latin so I have a sneaking suspicion that I messed it up, but hey I'm trying and I'm telling you what I meant it to be. If anyone knows whether or not it's right let me know please.

Don't forget to leave me your thoughts on the story so far, I want to hear what you guy's think and if anyone can make a guess as to whose who and what's what and what the future holds other then Draco/Harry. I'll tell you if you're right or wrong; whether you're hot or cold. Oh, this chapter probably has a few mistakes here and there but I wrote it with in the five hour time limit I have right now so please forgive any mistakes and just let me know. If there really BIG mistakes I'll go back and fix them AND give you, who ever is able to find them and tell me, a cookie! Who ever reviews I'll give you two and some milk!!! I'm so nice sometimes.

!!!R&R!!!


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